TNA Impact Report / Results - 5th Jan, 2017
We start off with a video package looking back at Eddie Edwards' TNA World Title victory and his recent string of controversial title defenses against Ethan Carter III and Bobby Lashley. From there, we go to the Impact Zone where we are LIVE from Universal Studios! It's the beginning of the Anthem Era, and Pope says it's time to Make TNA Great Again!
We start off the new era with a visit from TNA World Champion Eddie Edwards, who wishes everyone a happy new year and says he's humbled to usher in the new era as the TNA World Champion. He knows that puts a target on his back, but competition is about coming out here every night and proving that you're the best there is. 2017 is a new year and a fresh start, and he wants us to make it the new beginning of Impact Wrestling. Oh, and he brought a surprise for the Wolves Nation...but before we find out what that surprise is, Bobby Lashley comes out of the back and says nobody wants to hear his crap, because the only surprise is that he's still the World Champion. He's tired of playing with Eddie, because 2017 is going to be his year, 365 days of ass whuppings, and after that crap that happened in Cameron, he wants his rematch right here tonight because he's tired of getting screwed over and these flukey wins. He's had enough, and if Eddie wants to give them a surprise, they should give him his rematch so they can settle this once and for all. Now Ethan Carter III comes out, and he looks happier than you'd think a Carter would to point to the Anthem logo on the ring apron. He says Lashley looks angry enough to have an aneurysm, and Eddie is so ripped that it looks like he'd die if he ate carbs. But while they were fighting in Matt Hardy's back yard, he was watching and wanting what he won one year ago today: the TNA World Championship. He wants his rematch tonight, too, but Lashley says EC3 can't just walk in here and stick his nose in things. Eddie steps between them and says they both seem to have forgotten that he's the guy with the title, and if they both want a rematch, how about we kick it off with a triple threat match tonight? Oh, and don't forget about the special surprise he still promises them tonight.
Moose is backstage, and he's...SHADOWBOXING! He defends the Grand Championship against Mike Bennett...TONIGHT!! Oh, and don't forget that season 3 of Schitt's Creek starts soon here on PopTV!
Eddie Edwards cuts a promo about tonight's title defense (which has just been made official), then we go to the ring for our opening match!
Grand Championship Match: Moose vs Mike Bennett
Bell rings to start the match, Bennett goes to the gut with his boot, but Moose shoves him off and stops him in his tracks with a shoulderblock. Another one puts Bennett down, but Bennett drops Moose with a pair of superkicks, then unloads with a flurry of right hands. Bennett goes to the eyes, but Moose hits a rebound shoulder tackle to drop Bennett, then unloads with a series of chops. Moose goes for the spear, but Bennett got a knee to the midsection coming in, and Moose is down again. Bennett with more punches as we have thirty seconds left, then ties Moose down with a chinlock as the first round ends.
Judges score the first round for Bennett in a split decision, and now the second round begins with Moose on the offense, getting a hard chop, a rolling schoolboy cradle for 2, then he lifts Bennett off the mat and powerbombs him. Moose with another powerbomb, a senton, and a Lionsault (!) for 2. Moose with another charge, and he runs right into an Ace Crusher for 2. Bennett with a ripcord right hand, then a second, and Moose is down to a knee. Bennett goes for a third and connects, then lifts Moose off the mat and goes for a TKO, but Moose escapes and hits the ripcord lariat, but he covers just as the bell rings to end the second round as we go to commercial.
We're back with the announcement that Moose wins the second round on a split decision, and now we're on to round 3 with Moose giving Bennett a Sky High off the top rope for 2. Moose tries another moonsault, Bennett dodges, and hits a piledriver for 2. We've got two minutes left as Moose and Bennett trade right hands, Bennett hits a big boot, catches Moose with a second, and he goes to the second rope. Moose hits a dropkick, Bennett hangs on and connects with a second rope dropkick, then Moose hits a hard lariat and both men are down. The clock runs down, and we're going to go to the judges. We have another split decision in favor of...
Winner: Moose
Good match, I like how this really could have gone either way on that decision, and Bennett has a case for a rematch for how close it was.
We go backstage where the BROKEN Hardys find Swoggle and Matt asks him if he was sent to invade Total Nonstop Deletion by his sinister father, Mick Mahonn. Swoggle says that wasn't real and he isn't really his son, so Matt says WONDERFUL! and walks off. Swoggle tells Vanguard-1 that it looks like they're the only normal ones around here.
Spud comes out to the ring and says he saw Swoggle backstage and he remembers what he did to him in Cameron, so since 2016 didn't go so great for him, he's going to start 2017 off with a notch in the win column, so he wants Swoggle out here right now!
Rockstar Spud vs Swoggle
The fans are solidly behind Swoggle, so Spud shoves him down like a bully jerk. Swoggle responds by spearing him, hitting a release German suplex, and a Celtic Cross for the win.
Winner: Swoggle
Spud sure has paid his dues in this company. He gets a mic and is livid, and he says he's wasted his career here and he quits.
Mike Bennett finds Moose backstage and says that this is crap, and forget about rounds and everything else, because he wants Moose in an anything goes match tomorrow night on the PPV! Wait...THEY'RE PROMOTING THE PPVS??? This is a new era!!! Moose says all he had to do was ask, and he walks off.
Eli Drake is backstage doing the Bob Dylan thing with the signs, announcing that he will talk next, then hitting the DUMMY...YEAH! button.
Eli Drake is in the ring for the return of Fact of Life, and the fans are chanting "Speak! Speak! at him. He asks if the fans missed him, and says of course they did because he's Eli Drake. It's now 2017, nothing's changed, and he's back in the show that sets trends because he runs it. He wants EC3 to know it's not over because he's not gonna stop coming for him, but he has another concern tonight. Because he creates history and sets trends, he has some questions for the BROKEN Hardys. The video screen now looks like the entryway from Total Nonstop Deletion as they enter. The fans chant for King Maxel as Eli Drake tries to cut past the DELETE DELETE to tell the Hardys that they did something completely different when they invited every cross-eyed half-wit from around the globe to the Hardy Compound and still walks out with the titles, and that means something. But they were missing Eli Drake, and wanted to know where their invite was? Matt says he was invited because they invited everyone across space and time, and maybe he's scared like the Day of New and the Bucks of Youth. Eli insists that he wants personal invitations, and the Hardys ask him if he needs to be held and loved? Jeff says that Hardy violent hospitality is eternal and calls Drake a dummy. Eli says if he keeps talking like that then he might wind up in the Hardy Hospital. He hears all about the Seven Deities, but there's just one he needs to know about: Eli Drake. They didn't invite him because they didn't want him to show up and turn it into Total Nonstop DUMMY, yeah! Matt says his magic has existed for over 2009 years, and Eli is about to find out what happens when you question his powers. Eli asks Brother Nero if he has time for magic and wonder, and Jeff says Eli can't comprehend what they are, because they ARE magic. Drake says he's looking at their belts, and because they had Delete or Decay, they got the Great War, they got Final Deletion, and they got Apocalypto, but they're also got a PPV tomorrow night, and he wants the Hardys to defend against him and a partner of his choosing. Matt says the challenge is accepted, and tomorrow night, they will be ready to DELETE! They get in a DELETE-YEAH-OBSOLETE-DELETE-YEAH-OBSOLETE exchange before Jeff says he'll see Drake tomorrow. Drake cheapshots Jeff, but Matt nails him, throws him across the ring, and hits the DUMMY YEAH button.
Eddie Edwards is backstage saying he's got two guys who deserve his title, and we'll find out about that tonight because he'll prove again that anything is possible when he walks out with his title tonight. Bobby Lashley walks in and says that the surprise is that Eddie is still the champ, so either Eddie can give him the title tonight or he can take it from him. Eddie says to try and take it, and Lashley says he'll see him out there...champ.
We take a look back at Apocalypto, then we head backstage where Gregory Shane Ronald Philip Arthur Helms says he doesn't remember anything after going into the Lake of Reincarnation, then we go to the ring for our next match...
Decay vs The Helms Dynasty
Decay has new entrance music. Decay trashes the Dynasty to start, but they get Abyss out of the ring and Lee hits a shooting star press on Crazzzzzzzzzzy Steve for 2. It doesn't take long for Steve to get free and make the hot tag to Abyss, who comes in and cleans house like you'd expect. Dynasty blocks a double chokeslam, so Abyss hits a double clothesline instead. Helms comes in and tries for a Hurricane chokeslam, but Abyss knocks him off, Rosemary mists Helms in the face, and Abyss chokeslams Everett off the top for the win.
Winners: Decay
Decay was getting a hell of a reaction here. Hmmm...could we be looking at a possible face turn here? DCC countdown appears on the screen, the lights go out, and they're in the ring behind Decay when the lights come back up. They knock Abyss and Steve out with beer bottles, and Rosemary slides out to the floor. Yeah, looks like a face turn to me!
Maria is backstage with Allie watching her win over Laurel Von Nurse, and she says that if Allie thinks she's a wrestler now, she can put her boots on and meet her out in the ring because she has an idea for her.
Maria is in the ring with Sienna and Lulu von Norse, and she is really looking forward to what she and her husband are going to do in 2017, but there's one teeny, tiny little gnat to take care of first, and her name is Allie. She orders Allie to get down to the ring, and says that nothing about Allie impresses her because she's done nothing but screw up her life. She was the Knockouts Champion and the leader of the division, and she messed it up. She knows Allie's plan, but it has two problems: Maria's smarter than her, and she owns Maria. She says that if she wants to fight, she needs an answer. Allie tells her to bring it on, so we're off with some Knockouts action...
Allie vs Sienna
Allie powers Sienna into the corner and unloads with forearms, but Sienna boots her head off. Sienna with a flurry of right hands and then covers for 2, and Braxton Sutter comes out to ringside to cheer Allie on as she connects with a dropkick for 2. Allie goes for a slam and Sienna blocks as Laurel Van Hess comes over and distracts Sutter. Sienna hits a fall away slam and covers with a boot in the chest for 2. Sienna hits a side suplex for 2, but misses a legdrop. Allie gets a rollup for 2 and goes for another slam as Lillian tries to kiss Sutter. Allie sees and gets upset at Sutter, who swears nothing was going on. That allows Sienna to go back on the offensive, but Sienna makes a big mistake by spitting her gum in Allie's face. Allie slaps Sienna in the mouth, then hits a series of clotheslines and a second rope crossbody. Sienna goes for the slam a third time and gets it, but now Lasso gets ALL up on Sutter, and Allie sees and allows herself to get distracted again, allowing Sienna to hit the Silencer for the win.
Winner: Sienna
Sutter is really upset at ringside as Maria and company celebrate in the ring. Sutter tries to check on her, but Maria and her peeps crowd her out of the ring, and then Linda coerces Sutter to the back.
Eddie Edwards, Bobby Lashley, and Ethan Carter III are backstage, and they're...WALKING! The TNA World Title is on the line NEXT!
Josh and Pope plug tomorrow night's PPV, and then it's...MAIN EVENT TIME!
TNA World Title Match: Eddie Edwards vs Bobby Lashley vs Ethan Carter III
Bell rings, and we're off with Bobby Lashley destroying both opponents. EC3 dodges a charge, and he and Eddie double up on Lashley, but a double suplex attempt backfires when Lashley suplexes both of them. They duck a charge and Lashley goes to the floor, but instead of going after each other, they decide to kick the crap out of Lashley to take him out of the equation. They unload on him with a series of chops, bring him in the ring and beat him up in there, throw him back out, and then stare each other down as we go to commercial.
We're back, and Lashley is still down on the outside as EC3 and Eddie go at it in the ring. They keep knocking Lashley to the floor every time he tries to get back in, then go back to wrestling each other. Lashley finally comes in while Eddie has EC3 in a waistlock and double German suplexes them. Now Lashley is firmly on the offensive as he destroys both men with shoulder tackles in the corner. Lashley pulls the top turnbuckle pad off, then yanks the middle pad off too. Hmm, never seen that before. EC3 and Eddie drill him with a pair of enziguiris before he can do anything with those turnbuckles, then pop him over with a double suplex. Eddie and EC3 block each other's finishers, Eddie takes over with a flurry of chops, but EC3 stuns him and hits a second rope dropkick. Eddie flips through a German suplex and hits a blue thunder bomb for 2. Lashley is back in, gutwrenches Eddie over his shoulder, and hits the Dominator. EC3 catches Lashley out of nowhere with an Ace Crusher, hits Eddie with a Stinger Splash, then puts Eddie on top and goes for a superplex. Lashley comes in and they do the Tower of Doom spot, then sets for the spear. EC3 catches him with an elbow, Eddie hits a Codebreaker, EC3 hits Eddie with a high knee, then runs over Lashley with a series of clotheslines and a t-bone suplex. EC3 goes for the 1%, but Eddie breaks that up, so EC3 backdrops him and hits Lashley with a TK3 for 2. Eddie dodges another Stinger Splash, hits EC3 with the backpack driver...well, he tries. EC3 goes to the eyes to break that and gets the choke. Lashley spears the both of them into the exposed corner, and EC3 goes out to the floor. Lashley grabs Eddie and absolutely SKEE BALLS him to the floor. Lashley goes out after EC3 and spears him on the floor. Eddie is back in the ring and comes through the ropes with a dive that sends Lashley crashing into the barricade. Eddie quickly rolls Lashley back in and goes for the top rope double stomp, but Lashley dodges and hits the spear. Eddie rolls out to the floor and Lashley goes back out after him, dumps Eddie back in the ring, and grabs the title belt. He brings it in the ring and shoves the referee away, but Davey Richards runs out and yanks the belt out of Lashley's hands before he can connect, and Eddie drills Lashley with the Boston Knee Party to score the win.
Winner: Eddie Edwards
The Wolves embrace on the floor, and we call it a night.
