Writing a Novel - Smartmark's Diary

[Smartmark]

As some of you might know, I'm writing on a novel. I've worked on this project since I was 17 years old, but time after time I have added, deleted and re-written the story. 9 years later, presents day, the story have started, and I have written the two first chapters. In this thread I will try to keep you updated on my writing, and for those interested, I will explain about the world I write about.
But first of all, I want to share with you the prologue of the book. And I would love feedback

The King's Heritage - Book One In The Dur Series

Prologue

Crow sat down in the meadow and placed his fishing rod down in the marsh, using a wooden stick to keep it steady. He fetched a bag of tobacco from a wollen sack and rolled himself a joint. He lit it with a matchstick and leaned back towards a big cypress tree.
The sun was shining, and the water from the pond shimmered as crystal.
It was quieter in these parts of the woods. People in Dur had always been superstitious.
Crow didn’t care much for wraiths and ghosts. He had never seen one, and therefor did he not believe in them. He loved this parts of the woods. Kelpie Forest was the biggest mangrove in this part of the world.
Crow suddenly got aware of something in the bushes behind him. He jumped up on his feet, fetching a big hunting knife from his belt. A swamprabbit was standing approxomately four feet in front of him, snarling its sharp, yellow teeth and its eyes were bloodshut. Crow hated them! They where the vermin of the forest. The rabbit attacked with fangs first, but Crow made a counter attack and hurled his knife in the side of the bunny. It shrieked in pain as Crow stamped on it’s head.
He wiped the blood of the knife in the wet marshgrass before putting it back in the hilt. He once more sat down towards the big cypress when he got aware of the fishing rod.
He picked it up and started to reel in the line. After struggling for a couple of minutes he saw the scales of a big green fish right below the surface. It was a big pike. Maybe it would beat his record at Fifteen kilos? The fish fought good, and now it was partly over the surface, bashing it’s tale at the surface, making big splashes. He took a couple of steps backwards as he continued to reel in. The pike continued to struggle, but he managed to get it on land. He killed it with his knife, and sliced the head off. Suddenly he got aware of something in the water.
Something shimmered below the dark surface. He kneeled down at the shore and dipped his hand down in the cold water. He got grip of something and pulled it up.
At the moment he realized what he had just pulled up off the water, he fell back into the undergrowth. Half up on land lay a young girl dressed in a purple gown with the Durian crest. Crow knew very good who it was. Princess Gyda!


Copyright (C) Emil A.

[Travicity]

Ok pretty interesting stuff and alot of controversy in the first few lines

[Smartmark]

^^ Thanx for the feedback. I've written some pages the last couple of days, so I feel I'm in a good flow at the moment. Almost 30 pages now.

[Travicity]

How many pages will it have?

[Smartmark]

The idea is to have around 300 pages

[Travicity]

In each book or will they change from book to book?

[Smartmark]

Some might be shorter, some might be longer. I have many histories I can write books about in notes.

[W-OLF]

Can't wait to see how far you take this . If you really get into it (only a suggestion)
Create and publish a book ...http://www.lulu.com/
In no way advertising.

But It is intresting , I look forward to seeing or reading more thanks for sharing.

[Smartmark]

^^ I will check it out

Thanx for the feedback so far. Thought I would post chapter 1 as well

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter One

Gard was brutally waken up from his sleep when the cockatrice shrieked out.
He hated that little beast. His father said it would be a great alarm. Great was not the word.
He fetched his boot from the floor and hauled it towards the window. With great impact the boot hit the cockatrice and it was knocked off the henche in the window and it fell outside.
Gard looked out of the window. It was eerie outside. The grey air and mist surrounded the forest up on the hill. He pulled himself up from the bed and rubbed his eyes.
Suddenly he heard the tapping of water on the roof. It was raining.
One of these days again Gard said to himself wile putting on a pair of brown wollen pants and some tick wollen socks. He fetched a green hoodie from the chair by the bed and put it on.
His leather boots needed to be replaced soon. Maybe he should take a trip down to the shoemaker. He put his boots on and grabbed the box with chewing tobacco on the counter.
As he walked down the stairs to the kitchen he could smell his father was cooking pourige.
He put a big chunk of tobacco in his mouth and chewed as he fetched a cup on the kitchen counter and poured himsels some coffee from the stove.
His father was sitting by the table, smoking a ivory pipe.
He was proud of that pipe. He always told Gard the same story about the time he bought the pipe from an foreign merchant in Al-Shabir.
Gard had never been to Al-Shabir. His father would not alloud him to walk behind the big forest. Gard hated it. He wanted to see the big marked in Al-Shabir. All the animals and jesters at the circus. The big Bazaar and offcourse the palace. The palace was once build as a present from a great king to his daughter, and their heir reigned there for centuries. Now the palace was abandoned and the people talked about ghosts and ghouls.
Gard sat down at the table and his father looked up.
“ I have to say you are up early today. Any special reason ?”
“ I couldn’t sleep” Gard said.
“ That damn cockatrice awaken me! ”
His father laughed.
“ Don’t judge him so hard Gard. He is only doing his job”
“ I still hate him”
Gard drank some coffee and got up, puring himself some porridge from the stove.
His father cleared his throat.
“ Gard. I have something I have to tell you. Something of great importance”
“ Is there anything wrong dad ? ”
“ Wrong is a kind word. This could be catastrophic ”
Gard sat back down at the table.
“ You make it sound like it is the end of the world dad ”
“ Don’t joke about stuff like that Gard. I had hoped I never had to say this. But the time has come and I made a pact about telling you if the time would come and you where old enough to understand it” He sighed...
“ I am not your father Gard “
Gard spelled porridge. Did he hear what his dad just said ?
“ I know it might come as a shock for you, but that is the truth. And if you let me tell the story to you, you might understand “
“ Understand what ? “ Gard said
“ That I have lived for almost eighteen winters thinking you were my dad ? If your not my dad, who are you then? “


They talked for hours as the rain poured down outside the house. It was cold in this part of the summer. Cold winds from the north and rain made it even more depressing.
Gard was told much about the past in those hours. How he was actually the son of a great king called Bluebeard. During the first Sol Wars he had reigned supreme all over the land of Dur and all their neighbour kingdoms. All except one. The kingdom of Took was a grotesque marshland, with even more grotesque creatures. Ruled by a Khan who called himself Galder Greyleg. He and his creatures forced the Durian army back to their lands. The Tookian army was not of humans, but horrid creatures of the dark. The rutuls where the worst. Nasty creatures. Half goat, half man. They where at least two meters high and had big horns.
They carried weapons from another world. Two large chains of iron rings connected with a big iron ring in the middle. You can either hold the ring in your hand or put it over your head, making yourself able to use yet another weapon in your hands. In the end of each chain is a big razor attached. The man who Gard now knew as Hermod told him that he was the last remaining of a clan who used to be called The Silver Knights. A group of Palladins who fought for the king. After the king was killed during the Sol Wars, they had hid away the kings two babes.
A boy named Gard and a girl named Gyda.
He was also told that Gyda had lived all her life in the old palace in Al-Shabir.
She was the coming Queen of Dur, until she was found murdered in a pond, almost on the other side of the kingdom. He was also told about The Inquisitors, a pack of rabid knights who had only one task, to kill Bluebeards heir. With Gyda dead, Gard was next.

Hermod took Gard with him outside and into the barn. A black steed, all saddled up and ready where eating hay in the corner. Hermod gave Gard a sealed papyrus scroll and told him that he would knew when to open it. He had packed enough food for a long journey. Spices and herbs. Fruit and vegetables. Bread, dried fish and meat.
“ Ride all the way trough The Everautumn Forest. You will reach a crossroad where you will find an old tavern. There you can go either east or west.
If you go east, you will come to The Emerald forest. Once believed to be a magic forest inhabited by elves. Now merely a large pineforest wo reaches all the way to the Tookian border. If you go west, if you manage to get across the Salt Flats of Yoka-Tu, you will come to the ocean. Behind the great blue ocean lies the Islands of Kalazaar. Told about in Legends and Myths. The people who lives there are said to be a rich and welthy. With cities build of solid gold, and wine running in streams like water “
“ So, where do I go then ? “ Gard wondered
“ You will not go either way. Cause you are going north ! “
Gard froze for a second.
“ North ? You mean north as in towards the mountains of Garoth ?
“ Exactly ! Those same mountains “
“ That’s madness ! I have never been across the forest, and you want me to cross the Waste Mountains. You’ve said to me that no sane man enters those mountains because they inhabit creatures of chaos. Orcs, Goblins, Trolls and Rancors! “
“ That’s true “ Said Hermod.
“ But behind those mountains lives a person who might be important to you “
“ Who ? “ would Gard like to know.
“ Your Mother !“



Copyright Emil A.

[DA]

I like where this is going SM, I really do, I'll give you a couple of tips though.

First off the prologue should rather give an inside look at all the story, like work on who the hell Gard is, the current status of the land like 'A land once magical is now anything but that as...' you know... incite...

The second is leave less spacing between sentences... use paragraphs and then leave space...

And lastly the speech... identify who is talking more and describe a bit more like...

“ I couldn’t sleep” Gard said. “ That damn cockatrice awaken me! ” He screamt as his father laughed.“ Don’t judge him so hard Gard. He is only doing his job” He replied still laughing a bit. “ I still hate him” Gard drank some coffee and got up, puring himself some porridge from the stove. His father cleared his throat... clearly something was on his mind “ Gard. I have something I have to tell you. Something of great importance...” “ Wrong is a kind word. This could be catastrophic ” Gard joked as he sat back down at the table. “ You make it sound like it is the end of the world dad ” “ Don’t joke about stuff like that Gard. I had hoped I never had to say this. But the time has come and I made a pact about telling you if the time would come and you where old enough to understand it...” He sighed as Gard got worried... he hesitated and threw it out there... “ I am not your father Gard “

Something like that...

Keep it up, I'd seriously buy this