The Chikara Blog

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2/1/2011: On January 23, 2011 I - The Warlord of Weird - Sinn Bodhi, stood in the nostalgic ECW Arena & like the wrestlers before me I was hungry for blood...my appetite was set on UltraMantis Black! You turned to me in your hour of need, and now you think I can be ignored? I trained The Batiri for war, prepared them in the shadows, but ultimately the one they will destroy is you, UltraMantis, and your pathetic allies! You squirmed away like a slippery coward as I was about to put you under my knife (or in this case, FLY SWATTER) - how can you call yourself a man...I am done playing around with you! DO I LOOK LIKE I AM CLOWNING AROUND?!?!

Did you NOT get enough of a taste of fear & horror when I choked you with an Iron Bar bent in my own teeth? That was just a taste! Next time, who knows what carnage I will unleash on you?!?!



You made a brash and overzealous challenge to me after you had been bested and THEN saved by your pitiful friends! You do not deserve to be in the ring with me just yet! I have nothing to prove, it is ALL on you. You will have to show me that you are worthy of dancing with the devil in the pale spotlight of the squared circle...you will have to do this in a 666 man tag team match against Obariyon, Kodama and Kobald. Prove yourself a worth adversary...if you can.

UltraMantis Black...be careful, beware, be Koko B. Ware what you wish for...or your life might just get turned into a three ring Kizarnival!

SB

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2/3/2011: Good day, fans. Wink Vavasseur here, your new Director of Fun. For several months prior to my new position appointment, I spent time among the commoners, walking through the rows at events, talking to you. Any good businessman listens to his clientele, and the recurring theme in these conversations was very apparent.

CHIKARA needs a clear-cut champion. No, not one for rookies, one for the big dogs. We have an event for the 3-on-3 matches, we have an event for the little lions, but this is Season 10. When I tell my friends what I'm doing these days - taking a plucky lil' wrestling group to the next level - they all ask me the name of our champion. I never know what to say.

I want it. You want it. Corporate wants it. The world wants it. Do you feel the synergy here? Its time. Its time to crown a definitive champion.

I have the savvy and the managerial acumen to realize I'm not as familiar with the roster as I should be yet, so I'm going to crowd-source this one. That's the kind of forward thinking we need around here. People wonder what qualifies me to direct the fun around here? Look at the long list of businesses I've turned around in my short time playing at the executive level. I know how to steer a wayward ship through rough waters. And the best kind of management knows when to call for back-up. I haven't spent my whole adult life as a fan of CHIKARA. I don't know the names and the masks of everyone that pops in and out of here from month to month. I need the people who know the roster best to select who will compete for this prize.

...and those people ARE the roster. The men and women that comprise the full-time CHIKARA roster will choose who will compete for this prestigious, historic championship title. I'm going to ask each of them to cast a vote - my only provision is, a wrestler cannot vote for him or herself. Stay tuned, as I fully intend to make my year the most interesting yet...

WV

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2/11/2011: Haven't heard from me in a while, and I know you care...soooo much. Probably as much as I care.

But something caught my attention. I'm shaking as I type this. But I wanted to get this out before anyone else had the chance.

Wink, I want in. I don't care what I have to do, I want in.

Jigsaw, I'll quit calling you fat on Twitter. Vote for me.

Dasher, I'm the one that stole your baseball jersey, sorry, I'll return it. Vote for me.

Sugar, how does courtside at the Harlem Globetrotters sound? Vote for me.

Mantis, I will help you fight off the BDK or whoever is mad at you this week. Seriously, vote for me.

Frightmare, I'll...teach you English, something, anything. fiohVOTEiohsdgfiosdhgFORdiohdgiohsdMEdsdigo.

Tecnicos, Rudos, name your price. You got it. Vote for me. I'll get you it.

Do you remember 5 matches for $5? You don't? But I do. I was there. I want this.

Whatever it is, it will be mine!

VG

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2/14/2011: Howdy.

Coming up on February 19th in Reading, PA is the first-time-ever meeting between Yours Truly and one Eddie Kingston. As soon as this match got announced, I know exactly what went through your collective minds...

"This kid doesn't have a chance..."

"This kid is as good as dead!"

"This kid doesn't belong in the same ring as an athlete the caliber of...JOHNNY GARGANO."

You're right on all accounts! This Eddie Kingston kid doesn't have a chance. Now...I'm sure like...1% of people out there feel a tad differently. But I ask you - What's Ed gonna do? Backfist me?! To the future?! Ha! I dare you, Edward! Backfist me! Backfist me right in the face! It's not gonna hurt! Look at this face. There's like a cute forcefield around this thing. Impenetrable.

SPOILER ALERT - He probably will backfist me. I will then stand right up, pick him up above my head and proceed to POWERBOMB HIM...THROUGH THE RING.



Does Kingston have momentum? Sure. He's taken on some top notch competition. Now he's in the ring with THE top notch competition. He's just in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong brochacho. I'm 100% focused and better than ever. I went on a 17-person killstreak in Black Ops multiplayer today. Yea...I'm THAT ready.

Why am I so focused you ask? Well right around the corner is The Biggest Tournament in Professional Wrestling. King of Trios 2011! The Ick-Man (As I like to call him), Chucky T and myself are out to prove that nothing has changed, F.I.S.T. is still as dominant and deadly as ever. They had a little hiccup last year, but don't you fret! He who shall not be named is LONG GONE and The Bee's Knees, The Cat's Pajamas and The Whole Shebang is here!

It'll be one of the most inspirational victories in CHIKARA history. When our hands are raised in the air, the blind will see, the deaf will hear and little kids in wheelchairs will stand up and rush the ring and parade us around on there shoulders. At the end of the night on April 17th, F.I.S.T. will regain its rightful spot atop King Of Trios. I'll be easy to spot...I'll be the guy saying "I told you so."

Eat it, CHIKARA fans.

JG

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2/15/2011: It has recently come to my attention that Director Of Fun pro tempore W. Vavasseur has hatched the brilliant idea to anoint an "official" champion here in CHIKARA. Apparently, the good director is soliciting opinions, votes as it were, from the wrestlers themselves regarding who specifically from the roster is deserving to compete for such a prestigious and long-awaited title. Now, it is my understanding that no wrestler can endorse him or herself in this unique campaign, and with this stipulation, I have no qualms. So it is without hesitation that I take this opportunity to give my personal endorsement to a fellow CHIKARA original - Hallowicked. Now that we have put our differences aside and he has joined me in my battle against Sinn Bodhi and The Batiri, I can confidently say that this man is not only more than qualified to compete for the title, but he is well-deserving of the role based on his many years of experience and success within CHIKARA.



With that said, I feel that I should also take this opportunity to publicly express the voting preference of Hallowicked himself. As most of you know, Hallowicked has little time or use for such modern niceties as "internet blogs." Moreover, facing a language barrier such as he does, it certainly does seem prudent that I provide my services in translation to the masses, as I am one of a very select few who is capable of communicating with the man. So it is with great honor and humility that I reveal Hallowicked's choice in this campaign: the great and devious, UltraMantis Black. Yes, I am both touched and humbled. Furthermore, as Frightmare also faces many challenges in grasping the complexities of the King's English, it is my understanding that he too has thrown his full support behind UMB. No need to pursue this matter any further with these, my two mighty allies. Rest assured, I have provided you with a frank and accurate interpretation of their own words.

So there you have it friends - 1 vote for Hallowicked, 2 votes for UltraMantis. It is my great hope that the other men and women in CHIKARA will take careful consideration of our credentials and, after deep introspection, cast their votes as well in this crucial endeavor.

UMB

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2/16/2011: Good People Of the Chikaraverse,

What up! Since I've been on the shelf with a broken arm, I've had a lot of time to think things over. In this time, I came to the conclusion that I would never take the opportunities I have here at CHIKARA for granted.

I've been trained by some of the best in the world, and month in and month out I've been given the chance to prove myself against the best that pro-wrestling has to offer.

I've come close to getting that big win on the grand stage; along with my partners Fire Ant and Soldier Ant, I made it to the finals of the biggest tournament in professional wrestling - King of Trios. This year, we won't let a crooked referee stand in the way of us achieving the highest accolade there is for a trio in CHIKARA, *but*, there is more on my mind than King of Trios 2011.

I've got gold on my mind. This year, I hope to better myself and prove myself as a worthy singles competitor. And what better way to do that than gunning for the newest, brightest, most prestigious piece of gold around? So here's the deal, here's where the true message of this blog comes out. I NEED VOTES!



Unlike Vin Gerard, I'm not going to beg for votes and offer pathetic favors. I *will* however, be willing to do the following if it will sway some votes in my direction:

- Roll up my sleeves as if to say, "I've got some work to do." - Brush the dirt off my shoulders to show that I'm in touch with the youngsters.

That's about all the completely original campaign material I could come up with, but I think it's good stuff. So there you have it, you can't vote for yourself, and you don't want to vote Vin, so VOTE GREEN!!! (Not Ralph Nader.)

GA

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2/17/2011: Claudio I gladly accept your challenge. I’ve held the YLC. I’ve toured Japan. I can’t wait to add a KOT victory page to my scrapbook. I'll find the top tier choices and assemble the best BDK trio ever led by the Mat Wrestling Machine. I'll go ahead and start buying the glitter and markers now.

You even have a page in my scrapbook Jigsaw. You see I drew little pictures of all the former YLC winners and have been crossing them out after I destroy their legacy. Guess what? You already have two dashes across your face but I demanded to wrestle you anyway. You think you beat me last month in Philadelphia? You didn't. Four guys beat me, you just happened to get the pin. I'll beat ya anyway possible. You think this is the most illegal thing ever done in pro wrestling?



HA! That's nothing. Ask Hallowicked or his freakish little pal Frightmare.

Don’t think I forgot about you Max Boyer. You're probably one of the only competitors in CHIKARA I vaguely respect. I mean, our careers do parallel one another. After all, we both made our marks in another country, we were in super-powered stables lead by one Claudio Castagnoli, and both were forced to forfeit the Cup. Only difference is I never had to retire, Boyer. I'm too tough for that. I could never do that to all my Donstaroos.

Don't you miss being at home with your wife? Eating that chocolate butter stuff and listening to Barenaked Ladies or whatever you Canucks do? The only thing good to come out of your country is Justin Beiber and Dynamite kid. NOT YOU. Your fuse went out a long time ago.

If you don’t believe I’m the greatest YLC champ of all time you better start. We're not tagging like we had to at the “Golden Dream” match, Boyer. I’ll be sure to bring my scrapbook page for everyone in Reading.

'Bout time I cross you off!

TD

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2/23/2011: So there's gonna be a vote? A vote to decide who will compete for CHIKARA’s first ever singles title. Well, I ain't gonna beg for no one’s vote. I will simply state facts. Since 2008, I ask you, WHO has been a more successful singles wrestler than Brodie Lee in CHIKARA? I have smashed everything in my sight for the last 3 years. Dasher Hatfield, Daisuke Sekimoto, Hallowicked and Claudio Castagnoli have pinned me in a CHIKARA ring. THAT’S IT. I proved Dasher was a fluke. It took Hallowicked's little sidekick Frightmare to help him out. And I am still waiting for another shot at Sekimoto - my mind wasn’t fully prepared for him. Claudio tried to kill me in a cage, but I walked out of there with my head held high and went on another run, tougher and smarter.



Now 3 years later, I am even smarter, tougher and more dangerous. If the wrestlers of CHIKARA were being honest with themselves, Brodie Lee would obviously be voted in, hands down. I am not much for stats in sports, but I do know that usually the people with the best record in competition compete for championships, I don’t think this case should be any different. I have never been given the proper respect in CHIKARA and I believe the time for that respect is now. This isn’t a trios tournament, where you have 2 other people helping you. This isn’t a tag match, where you have someone watching your back. No, this is a solo gig. One-on-one, no one to help, nowhere to hide. I will state again for the slower minds out there, no one in CHIKARA is more prepared, better equipped or more deserving for a CHAMPIONSHIP SINGLES TITLE than the Big Rig. Those are the facts.

Don’t hate me because I tell the truth!

BL

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3/2/2011: Hello CHIKARA fans, Gres...I mean Hieracon here. Let me tell you a little story. It takes place not too long ago, right here in the land of opportunity. A great man stands in the middle of the ring and challenges the entire wrestling world to step it up and fill the void left by him - that man was Bryan Danielson.

On April 15th, 16th and 17th CHIKARA will give Amasis, Ophidian and myself just that opportunity. To step it up and fill that void and put our names in the history books as the 2011 Kings Of Trios! As I joined my Egyptian brothers in training in the ways of verbiage and the funkitude, I learned that they are as passionate about carving out a legacy as I am. We will stop at nothing to accomplish that goal. But in Williamsport, PA on March 12, Kizarny and The Batiri plan on putting a stop to the momentum we've been building toward April.



We all know beating us isn't what Kizarny and his goons REALLY care about - they just want to spread their weird brand of misery until someone stops them. Well on March 12th boys, you are in for a fight. On this day, The Osirian Portal will moonwalk all over Kizarny and The Batiri...well Amasis and Ophidian will, I'll just pop 'em in the brain with my trusty Polish Hammer I keep in my pocket. I'm still working on my moonwalk...OK, dancing period, but we will show them that the The Osirian Portal is a force to be reckoned with.

You're up next, BDK!

HIERACON

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3/4/2011: Hello there, all you CHIKARA-niacs, (I'll assume that's what you refer to yourselves as; it's a portmanteau of the word "maniacs" and "CHIKARA,") it's your new Director of Fun here, Wink Vavasseur!

With all my duties here as the DoF, I've certainly got my hands full. I've quickly found the downside to my great "let the wrestlers vote amongst themselves for a clear-cut championship" experiment: receiving and tabulating voting ballots from a bunch of wrestlers. I'm feeling a bit like Katherine Harris over here, if you know what I mean. Thankfully, I don't have to deal with any hanging chads, am I right? This guy knows what I'm talking about! But seriously, folks, imagine my surprise upon opening the first couple of ballots and finding the atrocious handwriting and spelling of some of these people. I mean, c'mon, what the heck is an "Amasis"?? That's not even a word!

Another thing I've discovered with these ballots is a real lack of trustworthiness. Now, so far, everyone has abided by the rule that "a wrestler cannot vote for him or herself," I've witnessed a few backroom agreements, some "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours" deals. Now, that's perfectly legal, but I'll let you fans in on a little secret: I see the results and not everyone is holding up their end of the handshake-sealed bargains. There's a phrase right on the tip of my tongue… ah, right, that's it… "Is there no honor among thieves?" It seems apropos in this situation, methinks. So, just to make sure everything is handled properly, I am going to personally poll every fulltime member of the roster before King of Trios 2011 so I can be sure of what's what.



I like to think that, in my role as the Director of Fun, as well as on executive boards of other thriving companies, not a lot of things slip past me. I like to think of myself as "on the pulse" of what's happening on my watch, finely attuned to the goings-on of CHIKARA. So, I was surprised to find out recently in Easton (birthplace of famed boxer Larry Holmes) that there has apparently been a long-running feud in our fine wrestling family between Eddie Kingston and Claudio Castagnoli. I'm sure many of you are equally as surprised by this as I am, and I apologize for having broken the news to you like this. It's not practical for me to call each of you individually.

Using my authority as the DoF, I've decided that this feud will be settled with a match on March 13th, in Brooklyn, NY (birthplace of lots of other famed boxers, probably.)

Frankly, I'm still a bit astonished that this feud even existed. I mean, this is something I feel I would have noticed, right? If any of you fans want to go buy some CHIKARA DVD's, write down moments when this feud developed, and then report back to me, you can email me at VavasseurW@gmail.com.

I read every email!*

WV
P.S. I'm not crazy about the "CHIKARA-niacs" portmanteau. If you guys can think of something smooshing together "CHIKARA" with some word that signifies a group of people focused together with one common goal, go ahead and email it in. Remember, I read every email!*

*My assistant reads every email.