Wrestlemania Booking meeting:

Vince: We should put Ryder over tonight.

HHH: Vince, that ship sailed about 4 years ago.

Vince: You're crazy. The wait will just make them savor his journey.

HHH: Vince, he hasn't won a match in 4 years!

Vince: A true underdog story! Book that shit!

HHH: This may not be the best idea...

Vince: And then, Jericho goes over Styles!

HHH: I think you're running the risk of turning the crowd on the show, pop.

Vince: It's alright. We can piss them off all night. I've got the perfect way to get the crowd back.

HHH: How?

Vince: Before the main event, we'll send The Rock out with a flamethrower!

HHH: We are soooooo fucked.

Vince: What was that?

HHH: Nothing. What next?

Vince: And then, the League of Nations beats the New Day!

HHH: Why?

Vince: Because afterwards, they'll cut a promo about how great they are and get beat up by Shawn, Mick, and Steve!

HHH: That... Could actually work. Next?

Vince: Then Brock goes over Ambrose.

HHH: Obviously.

Vince: but let's make the match about 5 minutes shorter than it should be and give it an anticlimactic finish!

HHH: I'm not sure about this...

Vince: It's okay! The Rock! Flamethrower!

HHH: (groans)

Vince: Then Charlotte retains!

HHH: Sasha is on fire, pop.

Vince: But her dad isn't Ric Flair!

HHH: But her cousin is Snoop Dogg.

Vince: You know... We should get him to rap her to the ring.

HHH: I agree. So she goes over?

Vince: Hell no. Charlotte does.

HHH: (begins weeping)

Vince: And then Taker beats Shane!

HHH: If Shane loses, doesn't that make the whole "We admit that our product sucks" storyline harmful to business?

Vince: Nobody will remember that! Shane is doing an elbow drop from the cell to the announce table!

HHH: Have you really thought this through? That could be dangerous.

Vince: And if that doesn't make them forget, we still have The Rock. With a flamethrower!

HHH: It was a good run.

Vince: What?

HHH: Nothing.

Vince: Now to the main event...

HHH: What about the battle royal?

Vince: Nobody cares about that. Shaq is in it, though. Have one of those NPC guys win.

HHH: You mean NXT?

Vince: Yeah, them.

HHH: (Eyes a sledgehammer longingly.)

Vince: You know... I think The Rock with a flamethrower may not be the right call...

HHH: Thank god.

Vince: on it's own. He should squash the Wyatt family too.

HHH: WHAT!?!?!?!

Vince: It'll be great! Then we can bring CENA back just to make sure they don't get ANY offense in!

HHH: I wonder how much my stock is worth?

Vince: What was that?

HHH: (mumbles incoherently)

Vince: Now... The main event. Roman beats you clean.

HHH: Alright.

Vince: You don't have a problem with that?

HHH: Nope.

Vince: Anything you want to happen out there?

HHH: Yes. I want him to spear Stephanie.

Vince: YEAH! That'll get a huge pop.

HHH: Huh... I guess it will. That's totally why I want to do it. It has NOTHING to do with wanting a reason to be off TV for the next few months...