recap of joanie/chyna on stern from marksfriggin.com

Joanie 'Chyna' Laurer Visits. 05/23/07. 8:10am

After the break Howard mentioned that Joe Piscopo will be there and so will Joey Fattone. Chris Cornell will be on the show soon to perform for them too. He said that they have this girl Jennifer coming in to meet Artie. She's into fat guys. Howard said he's not sure if she's hot or not though.

Howard asked the guys to bring in Joanie 'Chyna' Laurer after that. Fred was playing The Musters theme song as she was coming in. Howard said it looked like she had slimmed down and was looking much more girlish. She said she stopped playing football so that's why it was looking that way. Howard said that she lost that bulk and looked more like a woman. Howard had her stand up to see if he would do her. He said that she's got to lose more of that muscular strength in her upper body and she'd look really great. Artie told her that she doesn't look like Sylvester Stallone now, she looks like Frank Stallone.

Howard wanted to see Chyna's boobs because they looked bigger than they have in the past. He said they looked nice from what he could see. Fred said that she really was looking hot today. Howard said she's getting there and asked her what she's doing to look more girlish. She claims that she's not working out anymore, but other than that, she's not doing anything. He told her not to inflate her lips anymore though. He said that wasn't working. She said she went to a collagen party and didn't realize how big they got. Howard said that Chyna showed him her titties one time she was on the show so he wanted to see them again. She wasn't doing it though.

Howard asked Chyna about her Larry King interview where she was talking about Anna Nicole Smith like she was really close friends with her. She claimed she was close but some of Anna's other friends were saying that wasn't the case. He played a clip from Larry's show where one of Anna's friends said that Anna told her that she wasn't friends with Joanie. Chyna was on that show and said that she was shocked by that. She said that she did try to call Anna but she wouldn't return her calls. She doesn't think that she didn't want to be her friend, she just wasn't returning calls.

Howard asked Chyna what was up with that. She said that she could relate to Anna's pain and wanted to be friends with her. They did bond when they shot a movie together. Howard took a call from a guy who said that he used to find Chyna attractive in the past but he saw a picture of her recently where she shows herself and looks like a man. Howard asked her if that was true. Chyna said that she saw a picture that she saw that freaked her out and it had been doctored. Howard wanted to see it himself so he asked her to come over and show him.

Gary showed Howard the picture that the caller was talking about. The picture was from her ''One Night in Chyna'' video. Howard looked at the picture and said that was shocking. Chyna said that she found that picture to be shocking and she almost cried the first time she saw it. Howard wanted to see what she had down there and asked her to take her pants off. Artie said that he didn't think he could get more grossed out than by Jeff the Drunk's ass but that picture may have done it.

Howard said he heard that Chyna would bang him so he asked her about that. She said she does find him attractive and she might do that. He said she's really looking much better these days. He said her thingies were looking good and she should leave them alone. She said that she may get a tune up on them though. Howard asked if they're hard now. She said that they're actually pretty soft. He asked her to let Benjy suck on them but she just laughed.

A caller said that Chyna was in the April issue of Playboy and she looked really hot. Howard agreed and said she looked hot today. He asked her what happened to that guy who played guitar for her that day she sang ''Holiday.'' She said he wasn't really her brother, he was just a friend. Howard said he looked like an asshole telling that guy that he might want to get his sister some help.

Another caller said that if they hung Chyna from the ceiling, they could use her as a speed bag. Fred threw in a clip of a speed bag being punched after hearing that. Howard went on to ask Chyna about this movie she shot with Anna Nicole and wondered if it was awful. She said the movie was good and she had prepared to do the movie for months before they shot it. She said she heard that the movie got reviewed and it got a ''wonderfully horrible'' comment.

Chyna said that the movie is called ''Illegal Aliens'' and it's in that B-movie genre. she said she plays the part of an alien from another planet who is a man in a woman's body who has to try and blow up the world. She did some of her alien speak for the guys. She also talked about doing scenes with Anna Nicole and how they became friends during the shoot. Howard wanted to know if they did anything sexual together. She said that Anna stuck her tongue in her ear one time. She said that she likes men though so she isn't into that stuff.

Howard asked Chyna why she doesn't stay in contact with her family. She told Howard that she hasn't spoken to her mother in years and she really doesn't miss her. She said she's better at picking out her own family. Howard said she cries when she's asked those type of questions on other shows. She said she doesn't do that but Howard said he read that she had. Howard then asked her what the nicest day was she ever had when she was with her family. He was also asking her to describe the emptiness of not having parents who cared. She talked a little bit about that but didn't break down and cry. Howard kept digging trying to get her to break down. He kept bringing up her mother and the rest of her family but she wasn't cracking.

Howard asked Chyna if she ever sat her mother down and asked her why she didn't love her. She said that she kind of felt like an abandoned child. Howard asked her who disappointed her the most. She still wasn't crying so Howard said that she broke down and cried on Dr. Keith Ablow's show. He played a clip from that show where she broke down and cried while talking to him.

Howard noticed that Artie as passed out cold sitting there. Artie heard him and snapped out of it asking the question that Howard was just asking Chyna. Gary said that the TV guys caught him with his eyes closed for at least 2 minutes.

Howard gave Chyna a plug for her movie ''Illegal Aliens'' and then asked her when a guy last porked her. She said that was private and wouldn't answer. Fred and Artie both said they'd do her. Artie said he'd have to keep her dick away though. Howard wished her luck with the new movie. Robin asked her what she was up to in her career now. She said that she's got a job now working with this resort company in Las Vegas. She asked him to play the part of the DJ and she was going to call him up and do her pitch to him. Howard said he was sorry to hear that she was involved with one of those companies. Gary said the company advertises with them so he knew what to do. He asked Chyna what he should do this weekend. She threw out the phone number for this Las Vegas free 3 day and 2 night promotion. Chyna said that the phone number is 866-67-GO-WIN about 5 times. She said that it's a 3 day 2 night complimentary stay. Howard asked her who some of her cool celebrity friends were. She said that Howard was the one. Chyna said it's hard to do that pitch because there are so many DJs that aren't nice.
Howard started to wrap up with Chyna and said that they had two female fans who wanted to meet her before she left. Artie had a feeling it was going to be sickening. He was right, it was Sal and Richard who came in with their ''enlarge-ness'' in spandex. Sal said that they wanted to make her a deal and show their clits to her if she showed hers. Howard told the guys to keep their clits in their pants but Richard flashed his. Howard told them to leave after that. Howard gave Chyna another plug for her movie and let her get the 8660-67-GO-WIN thing. She said you have to say that Chyna Doll sent you for her to get credit for it. She said that they give you a free stay and you just have to hear a sales pitch out there. Robin said you may not even be forced to go to the sales pitch though. Chyna said she's gone out there a few times and she loves it.

Howard asked her one more time to show her boobs. She said that she wants to get them done over first, then maybe she'll show them to him. She said he's seen them already anyway.