Black Widow
06-10-2006, 12:36 PM
Q. How would you get a Kerryman to climb on the roof of a pub?
A. Tell him the drinks are on the house!
Q. How do you keep a Kerryman happy for an afternoon?
A. Write P.T.O on both sides of a pice of paper.
Q. What do you call a Kerryman under a wheelbarrow?
A. A mechanic.
Q. Have you heard about the Kerryman who had a brain transplant?
A. The brain rejected him.
Q. What do you do if a Kerryman throws a pin at you?
A. Run like mad- he's probably got a grenade between his teeth!
Q. Did you hear about the Kerryman who saw a notice reading:-"Man wanted for Robbery and Murder"?
A. He went in and applied for the job.
Q. How do you recognise a Kerry pirate?
A. He has a patch over each eye.
Q. Why do Kerry dogs have flat faces?
A. From chasing parked cars.
Q. Have you heard about the Kerryman whose library burnt down?
A. Both books were destroyed, and worse still one hadn't even been coloured in yet!
Q. How do you confuse a Kerryman?
A. Place three shovels against a wall and ask him to take his pick.
Q. Have you heard about the Kerryman who damaged his health by drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
An Irishman an Englishman and a Scotsman and other stories
Theres A Fly In My Pint
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman went into a pub for a pint of Guinness one day. After being served a fly landed in each of their pints and stuck in the creamy heads.
The Englishman pushed his pint away from him in disgust and proceeded to order another pint.
The Scotsman simply fished the offending fly out with his finger and proceeded to drink his pint as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman, eyes wide with anger grabbed the fly and held it over his pint shouting
"SPIT IT OUT!!! SPIT IT OUT YOU B*STARD!!!"
The Magic Ride
An Englishman, a Welshman and an Irishman were at the fair and about to go on the helter-skelter when an old crone steps in front of them.
"This is a magic ride," she says. "You will land in whatever you shout out on the way down."
"I'm game for this," says the Welshman and slides down the helter-skelter shouting "GOLD!" at the top of his voice. Sure enough, when he hit the bottom he found himself surrounded by thousands of pounds worth of gold coins.
The Englishman goes next and shouts "SILVER!" at the top of his voice. At the bottom he lands in more silver coinage than he can carry.
The Irishman goes last and, launching himself from the top of the slide shouts "WEEEEEEE!"
A. Tell him the drinks are on the house!
Q. How do you keep a Kerryman happy for an afternoon?
A. Write P.T.O on both sides of a pice of paper.
Q. What do you call a Kerryman under a wheelbarrow?
A. A mechanic.
Q. Have you heard about the Kerryman who had a brain transplant?
A. The brain rejected him.
Q. What do you do if a Kerryman throws a pin at you?
A. Run like mad- he's probably got a grenade between his teeth!
Q. Did you hear about the Kerryman who saw a notice reading:-"Man wanted for Robbery and Murder"?
A. He went in and applied for the job.
Q. How do you recognise a Kerry pirate?
A. He has a patch over each eye.
Q. Why do Kerry dogs have flat faces?
A. From chasing parked cars.
Q. Have you heard about the Kerryman whose library burnt down?
A. Both books were destroyed, and worse still one hadn't even been coloured in yet!
Q. How do you confuse a Kerryman?
A. Place three shovels against a wall and ask him to take his pick.
Q. Have you heard about the Kerryman who damaged his health by drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
An Irishman an Englishman and a Scotsman and other stories
Theres A Fly In My Pint
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman went into a pub for a pint of Guinness one day. After being served a fly landed in each of their pints and stuck in the creamy heads.
The Englishman pushed his pint away from him in disgust and proceeded to order another pint.
The Scotsman simply fished the offending fly out with his finger and proceeded to drink his pint as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman, eyes wide with anger grabbed the fly and held it over his pint shouting
"SPIT IT OUT!!! SPIT IT OUT YOU B*STARD!!!"
The Magic Ride
An Englishman, a Welshman and an Irishman were at the fair and about to go on the helter-skelter when an old crone steps in front of them.
"This is a magic ride," she says. "You will land in whatever you shout out on the way down."
"I'm game for this," says the Welshman and slides down the helter-skelter shouting "GOLD!" at the top of his voice. Sure enough, when he hit the bottom he found himself surrounded by thousands of pounds worth of gold coins.
The Englishman goes next and shouts "SILVER!" at the top of his voice. At the bottom he lands in more silver coinage than he can carry.
The Irishman goes last and, launching himself from the top of the slide shouts "WEEEEEEE!"