Black Widow
06-10-2006, 06:23 PM
APPLICATION TO LIVE WITHIN
THE
CITY OR COUNTY
OF
Dublin
(Including Fingal)
Anyone not born within the City and County of Dublin will now be required to
Complete the attached application form and return it to:
The Immigration and Population Control Officer
(Culchie Section)
Dublin Corporation Offices
Wood Quay
Dublin 2.
within 21 days of arriving in the City or County of Dublin
http://img119.imageshack.us/img119/7072/untitled9nh.png
Application to live in the City or County of Dublin.
(Including Fingal)
REDNECKS & CULCHIES APPLY HERE!!!
APPLICATION TO LIVE WITHIN
THE
CITY OR COUNTY
OF
Dublin
(Including Fingal)
Anyone not born within the City and County of Dublin will now be required to
Complete the attached application form and return it to:
The Immigration and Population Control Officer
(Culchie Section)
Dublin Corporation Offices
Wood Quay
Dublin 2.
within 21 days of arriving in the City or County of Dublin
Application to live in the City or County of Dublin.
(Including Fingal)
Name:__________________________
Nickname : (what your friends call you ) __________________________
Address : ( herd number ) _________________________
Father: ( otherwise known as Daddy ) ____________________________
( If you don't know your Daddy, list three suspects )
Mother: _____________________________
Neck Shade: Light Red Medium Red Dark Red
Do You own you own teeth ? Yes No
If borrowed, please state from whom. ________________________
Number of Teeth in Full Grin: Upper: _____ Lower: _____
Length of Right Leg: ____ Length of Left Leg: ____
How many wellies do you own ? ______ (pairs)
Size of Farm:
(please tick)
Middlin' Smallish Bit of a Field Only A Bog
Make of your Tractor: ________________ Weight of Your Tractor: ___________
Tractor Equipped With (please tick) : Gun Rack 4 Wheel Drive Cassette Deck Load of Turf Ford Cortina Shock Absorbers Truck Wheels Sawdoctor's CDs Mud Flaps
Toothpick Holder Big Dog Goat's Hide
Number of empty Beer Cans on floor of your tractor: _________
BUMPER STICKERS SHOWN :
(please tick)
"Well Holy God" Me Other Car Is A Piece of SHITE Too If you're not from Cavan, you're not worth a shite Mayo for Sam Honk if you love Glenroe Supermacs
FAVOURITE VOCALIST:
(please tick)
Margo Big Tom Loretta Lynn Hank Williams Brendan Shine Garth Brooks Tammy Wynette Declan Nerney Daniel O' Donnell Meself What's A Vocalist?
FAVOURITE RECREATION:
(please tick)
Line Dancin' Sheep Shaggin' Slurry Smellin' Bailin' Hay Dole Signin' Drinkin' Chewin' Tabacca Belchin' Spittin' Other
Name(s) of Daughter(s) :
(please tick)
Mary Biddy Bridie Udder
Weapons Owned :
(please tick)
Shovel Power or Chain Saw Pick Handle Slash Hook Hurley Other
Cap Emblem:
(please tick)
Guinness Smithwicks Massey Ferguson Net Nitrate 10-10-20 Kerry Co-Op
Smile if you're wearin' wellies
Number of Dependants : Legal ___ Claimed ___
Number of Welfare Cheques Claimed ____
Number of Weeks Unemployed: ______ (REALLY ____ )
Membership Of:
(please tick)
GAA IFA Macra ICA Youth Defence Fine Gael
Car Model:
(please tick)
Ford Cortina Ford Escort MK1 Ford Escort MK2 Fiat Ritmo VW Jetta Humber Honda 50
How many cars do you have jacked up on blocks in your yard ? _____
Are you married to any of the following :
(please tick)
Sister Brother Cousin Cow
Does your wife weigh more than your tractor ? Yes No
Can you write your name and get the spelling right every time ? Yes No
Have you ever stayed sober for a whole weekend ? ________ If Yes, Why ? __________
Can you count to :
(please tick)
Ten with your shoes on Twenty-one with your fly closed
Medical History:
B.O. Bovine T.B. Smelly Feet Runny Nose Bad Breath Head Lice Sheep Lice
Foot & Mouth Disease
Please give the same information in respect to yourself.
-------------
BREAST IS BEST
Paddy is walking down the Blackpool prom one day and he sees a mother breast feeding her baby boy. Paddy stops to speak to the mother. "That's what I like to see natural breast-feeding, I was raised on that"
.
The young mother tells Paddy to clear off. Paddy continues, "No seriously I was raised on the stuff, look at me, tall, lots of muscles, and really fit, looking at the baby breast feeding takes me back to my childhood", he pauses...., "can I try breast feeding on the other breast".
The young mother says again, "Get away with you Paddy". Paddy says convincingly "You've got plenty of breast milk for baby, and he doesn't need the other breast". The young mother looks and Paddy and thinks, well he is good looking, fit and lots of muscle, "Come over here Paddy and you can get on the other breast". Paddy being sucking on the other breast, after five minutes the young woman has become more relaxed and is starting to get aroused ,panting slightly, she lies back and whispers to Paddy "Paddy ..... is there anything else you want ?"
Paddy asks "err....have you got any Farleys Rusks"
BANK ROBBERY
Excerpted from an article about a bank robbery which appeared in the Irish Times on 2 March 1999:
Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, a gang of raiders' efforts at disabling the internal security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash and valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered throughout the bank.
The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a bowl of vanilla pudding. As recorded on the bank's audio-tape system, one said, "At least we'll get a bit to eat," The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding.
The process continued until all the safes were opened. They found not one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding.
Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach.
The newspaper headline read: IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING.
DEATHBED CONFESSION
Kathleen Murphy was standing vigil over her husband's death bed. As she held his hand, her warm tears ran silently down her face, splashed onto his face, and roused him from his slumber.
He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling Kathleen, " he whispered. "Hush, my love," she said. "Go back to sleep. Shhh, don't talk."
But he was insistent. "Kathleen," he said in his tired voice. "I have to talk. I have something I must confess to you." "There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Kathleen. "It's all right. Everything's all right, go to sleep now."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Kathleen. I slept with your sister, your best friend, and your mother." Kathleen mustered a pained smile and stroked his hand. "Hush now Patrick, don't torment yourself. I know all about it," she said. "Why do you think I poisoned you?"
I WANT TO BE A PROSTITUTE
Sister Brigid was teaching her young students one day and she asked each of them what they would like to be when they grew up. She came to a little girl who responded, "When I grow up I want to be a prostitute."
Shocked, good Sister Brigid fainted on the spot. Her students rushed to revive her. When she came around, Sister asked the little girl, "What did you say you wanted to be when you grew up?" The little girl replied, "A prostitute."
"Oh thank goodness," the relieved nun replied "I thought you said a Protestant."
THE
CITY OR COUNTY
OF
Dublin
(Including Fingal)
Anyone not born within the City and County of Dublin will now be required to
Complete the attached application form and return it to:
The Immigration and Population Control Officer
(Culchie Section)
Dublin Corporation Offices
Wood Quay
Dublin 2.
within 21 days of arriving in the City or County of Dublin
http://img119.imageshack.us/img119/7072/untitled9nh.png
Application to live in the City or County of Dublin.
(Including Fingal)
REDNECKS & CULCHIES APPLY HERE!!!
APPLICATION TO LIVE WITHIN
THE
CITY OR COUNTY
OF
Dublin
(Including Fingal)
Anyone not born within the City and County of Dublin will now be required to
Complete the attached application form and return it to:
The Immigration and Population Control Officer
(Culchie Section)
Dublin Corporation Offices
Wood Quay
Dublin 2.
within 21 days of arriving in the City or County of Dublin
Application to live in the City or County of Dublin.
(Including Fingal)
Name:__________________________
Nickname : (what your friends call you ) __________________________
Address : ( herd number ) _________________________
Father: ( otherwise known as Daddy ) ____________________________
( If you don't know your Daddy, list three suspects )
Mother: _____________________________
Neck Shade: Light Red Medium Red Dark Red
Do You own you own teeth ? Yes No
If borrowed, please state from whom. ________________________
Number of Teeth in Full Grin: Upper: _____ Lower: _____
Length of Right Leg: ____ Length of Left Leg: ____
How many wellies do you own ? ______ (pairs)
Size of Farm:
(please tick)
Middlin' Smallish Bit of a Field Only A Bog
Make of your Tractor: ________________ Weight of Your Tractor: ___________
Tractor Equipped With (please tick) : Gun Rack 4 Wheel Drive Cassette Deck Load of Turf Ford Cortina Shock Absorbers Truck Wheels Sawdoctor's CDs Mud Flaps
Toothpick Holder Big Dog Goat's Hide
Number of empty Beer Cans on floor of your tractor: _________
BUMPER STICKERS SHOWN :
(please tick)
"Well Holy God" Me Other Car Is A Piece of SHITE Too If you're not from Cavan, you're not worth a shite Mayo for Sam Honk if you love Glenroe Supermacs
FAVOURITE VOCALIST:
(please tick)
Margo Big Tom Loretta Lynn Hank Williams Brendan Shine Garth Brooks Tammy Wynette Declan Nerney Daniel O' Donnell Meself What's A Vocalist?
FAVOURITE RECREATION:
(please tick)
Line Dancin' Sheep Shaggin' Slurry Smellin' Bailin' Hay Dole Signin' Drinkin' Chewin' Tabacca Belchin' Spittin' Other
Name(s) of Daughter(s) :
(please tick)
Mary Biddy Bridie Udder
Weapons Owned :
(please tick)
Shovel Power or Chain Saw Pick Handle Slash Hook Hurley Other
Cap Emblem:
(please tick)
Guinness Smithwicks Massey Ferguson Net Nitrate 10-10-20 Kerry Co-Op
Smile if you're wearin' wellies
Number of Dependants : Legal ___ Claimed ___
Number of Welfare Cheques Claimed ____
Number of Weeks Unemployed: ______ (REALLY ____ )
Membership Of:
(please tick)
GAA IFA Macra ICA Youth Defence Fine Gael
Car Model:
(please tick)
Ford Cortina Ford Escort MK1 Ford Escort MK2 Fiat Ritmo VW Jetta Humber Honda 50
How many cars do you have jacked up on blocks in your yard ? _____
Are you married to any of the following :
(please tick)
Sister Brother Cousin Cow
Does your wife weigh more than your tractor ? Yes No
Can you write your name and get the spelling right every time ? Yes No
Have you ever stayed sober for a whole weekend ? ________ If Yes, Why ? __________
Can you count to :
(please tick)
Ten with your shoes on Twenty-one with your fly closed
Medical History:
B.O. Bovine T.B. Smelly Feet Runny Nose Bad Breath Head Lice Sheep Lice
Foot & Mouth Disease
Please give the same information in respect to yourself.
-------------
BREAST IS BEST
Paddy is walking down the Blackpool prom one day and he sees a mother breast feeding her baby boy. Paddy stops to speak to the mother. "That's what I like to see natural breast-feeding, I was raised on that"
.
The young mother tells Paddy to clear off. Paddy continues, "No seriously I was raised on the stuff, look at me, tall, lots of muscles, and really fit, looking at the baby breast feeding takes me back to my childhood", he pauses...., "can I try breast feeding on the other breast".
The young mother says again, "Get away with you Paddy". Paddy says convincingly "You've got plenty of breast milk for baby, and he doesn't need the other breast". The young mother looks and Paddy and thinks, well he is good looking, fit and lots of muscle, "Come over here Paddy and you can get on the other breast". Paddy being sucking on the other breast, after five minutes the young woman has become more relaxed and is starting to get aroused ,panting slightly, she lies back and whispers to Paddy "Paddy ..... is there anything else you want ?"
Paddy asks "err....have you got any Farleys Rusks"
BANK ROBBERY
Excerpted from an article about a bank robbery which appeared in the Irish Times on 2 March 1999:
Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, a gang of raiders' efforts at disabling the internal security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash and valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered throughout the bank.
The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a bowl of vanilla pudding. As recorded on the bank's audio-tape system, one said, "At least we'll get a bit to eat," The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding.
The process continued until all the safes were opened. They found not one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding.
Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach.
The newspaper headline read: IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING.
DEATHBED CONFESSION
Kathleen Murphy was standing vigil over her husband's death bed. As she held his hand, her warm tears ran silently down her face, splashed onto his face, and roused him from his slumber.
He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling Kathleen, " he whispered. "Hush, my love," she said. "Go back to sleep. Shhh, don't talk."
But he was insistent. "Kathleen," he said in his tired voice. "I have to talk. I have something I must confess to you." "There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Kathleen. "It's all right. Everything's all right, go to sleep now."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Kathleen. I slept with your sister, your best friend, and your mother." Kathleen mustered a pained smile and stroked his hand. "Hush now Patrick, don't torment yourself. I know all about it," she said. "Why do you think I poisoned you?"
I WANT TO BE A PROSTITUTE
Sister Brigid was teaching her young students one day and she asked each of them what they would like to be when they grew up. She came to a little girl who responded, "When I grow up I want to be a prostitute."
Shocked, good Sister Brigid fainted on the spot. Her students rushed to revive her. When she came around, Sister asked the little girl, "What did you say you wanted to be when you grew up?" The little girl replied, "A prostitute."
"Oh thank goodness," the relieved nun replied "I thought you said a Protestant."