A Blissful Ass
08-02-2009, 01:40 AM
Investigator: Thank you all for coming. As you know, I’ve gathered you here to investigate the circumstances surrounding the tragic events that transpired at Mr. Benoit’s home over the weekend. I’d like to start by--
Hulk Hogan: Whatcha gonna do?
Investigator: Well, like I was saying, I’m going to --
Hulk Hogan: WHATCHA GONNA DO?
Investigator: I’m telling you right now. I’m going to--
Hulk Hogan: WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN HULKAMANIA RUNS WILD ON YOUUUUU?
Investigator: Uh, OK. Anyway. I’d like to start by saying that this is an informal interview, but if I need to I’ll drag everyone of you downtown.
Mr. McMahon: You’ve got no chance.
Investigator: Excuse me?
Mr. McMahon: NO CHANCE IN HELL.
Investigator: Well, we’ll see about that. But let’s just relax and move on. I’d to start with those of you that knew him from his WCW days. Mr. Shiavone, do you remember when you first met Mr. Benoit?
Shiavone: Yes, it was the greatest night in the history of WCW.
Investigator: Really? That’s nice. But what did Mr. Benoit think about the meeting?
Shiavone: He thought it was the greatest night in the history of WCW.
Investigator: What about when he left WCW? What was that like?
Shiavone: It was the greatest night in the history of WCW.
Investigator: OK, interesting. What are your thoughts on the recent events that have transpired?
Shiavone: I think it was the greatest thing in the history of WCW.
Investigator: Well, that’s strange. Let’s move along. Mr. Goldberg, you’re next.
Goldberg: Who’s next?
Investigator: You are.
Goldberg: YOU’RE NEXT.
Investigator: No, you’re next…… ahhh, never mind. Is there a “Booker” here?
Triple H, Kevin Nash, & Kevin Sullivan: (at the same time) Yes.
Investigator: No, no. I mean someone named “Booker T”. Mr., uh, T? Are you here?
Booker T: Tell me you just didn’t just say that.
Investigator: Sorry. I guess you prefer “Booker”.
Booker T: Can you dig that SUCKA?
Investigator: I suppose I can.
Investigator: What can you guys tell me about Mr. Benoit’s career in WWE? Was he any good?
Bret Hart: Best there is, best there was, best there ever will be.
Investigator: Really? Is that true?
Tomko: No
Investigator: Would you like to add anything Mr. Road Dogg?
Road Dogg: I got two words for ya.
Investigator: And?
Road Dogg: SUCK IT.
Investigator: Well that’s mature.
Investigator: Mr. Flair? What are your feelings on the relationship between Mr. Benoit and his wife, Nancy?
Ric Flair: If you want to be the man, you have to beat the man.
Investigator: Well, despite Nancy’s appearance in some photos, she wasn’t a man. Regardless, are you saying it was ok that he beat her?
Ric Flair: Woooooooo
Investigator: Woo?
Ric Flair: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Investigator: OK, that isn’t really helping us here. Who’s next?
Goldberg: YOU’RE NEXT!
Investigator: Shut up.
Ron Simmons: Damn.
Investigator: Mr. Stone Cold? Are you present?
Austin: What?
Investigator: Are you Mr. Stone Cold?
Austin: What?
Investigator: I take it you are. So Mr. Stone Cold, did you--
Austin: What?
Investigator: That’s annoying. Stop it. I was reading your statement and you mentioned something about Mr. Benoit going “Austin 3:16”. What does that mean?
Austin: Austin 3:16 says, “I just whooped your ass.”
Investigator: So you are saying that Mr. Benoit “whooped” his families ass?
Austin: That’s the bottom line.
Investigator: Why is that the bottom line?
Austin: ‘Cause Stone Cold said so.
Investigator: Good enough for me.
Investigator: Up next is a Mr. Snitsky. Mr. Snitsky, are you here?
Snitsky: It wasn't my fault.
Investigator: No one said it was.
Snitsky: IT WASN'T MY FAULT.
Investigator: ………
Snitsky: IT WASN'T MY FAULT!!!!!!
Investigator: Ok, ok. You’re excused.
Investigator: What the hell is wrong with you people? Are you all on drugs or something?
Randy Savage: OOOOOOOOH YEAAAAAAAAH!
Investigator: That’s it. I give up. Thanks for your time. Good bye and good riddance.
Mankind: Have a nice daaaaaaay.
Credit to a friend of mine
Hulk Hogan: Whatcha gonna do?
Investigator: Well, like I was saying, I’m going to --
Hulk Hogan: WHATCHA GONNA DO?
Investigator: I’m telling you right now. I’m going to--
Hulk Hogan: WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN HULKAMANIA RUNS WILD ON YOUUUUU?
Investigator: Uh, OK. Anyway. I’d like to start by saying that this is an informal interview, but if I need to I’ll drag everyone of you downtown.
Mr. McMahon: You’ve got no chance.
Investigator: Excuse me?
Mr. McMahon: NO CHANCE IN HELL.
Investigator: Well, we’ll see about that. But let’s just relax and move on. I’d to start with those of you that knew him from his WCW days. Mr. Shiavone, do you remember when you first met Mr. Benoit?
Shiavone: Yes, it was the greatest night in the history of WCW.
Investigator: Really? That’s nice. But what did Mr. Benoit think about the meeting?
Shiavone: He thought it was the greatest night in the history of WCW.
Investigator: What about when he left WCW? What was that like?
Shiavone: It was the greatest night in the history of WCW.
Investigator: OK, interesting. What are your thoughts on the recent events that have transpired?
Shiavone: I think it was the greatest thing in the history of WCW.
Investigator: Well, that’s strange. Let’s move along. Mr. Goldberg, you’re next.
Goldberg: Who’s next?
Investigator: You are.
Goldberg: YOU’RE NEXT.
Investigator: No, you’re next…… ahhh, never mind. Is there a “Booker” here?
Triple H, Kevin Nash, & Kevin Sullivan: (at the same time) Yes.
Investigator: No, no. I mean someone named “Booker T”. Mr., uh, T? Are you here?
Booker T: Tell me you just didn’t just say that.
Investigator: Sorry. I guess you prefer “Booker”.
Booker T: Can you dig that SUCKA?
Investigator: I suppose I can.
Investigator: What can you guys tell me about Mr. Benoit’s career in WWE? Was he any good?
Bret Hart: Best there is, best there was, best there ever will be.
Investigator: Really? Is that true?
Tomko: No
Investigator: Would you like to add anything Mr. Road Dogg?
Road Dogg: I got two words for ya.
Investigator: And?
Road Dogg: SUCK IT.
Investigator: Well that’s mature.
Investigator: Mr. Flair? What are your feelings on the relationship between Mr. Benoit and his wife, Nancy?
Ric Flair: If you want to be the man, you have to beat the man.
Investigator: Well, despite Nancy’s appearance in some photos, she wasn’t a man. Regardless, are you saying it was ok that he beat her?
Ric Flair: Woooooooo
Investigator: Woo?
Ric Flair: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Investigator: OK, that isn’t really helping us here. Who’s next?
Goldberg: YOU’RE NEXT!
Investigator: Shut up.
Ron Simmons: Damn.
Investigator: Mr. Stone Cold? Are you present?
Austin: What?
Investigator: Are you Mr. Stone Cold?
Austin: What?
Investigator: I take it you are. So Mr. Stone Cold, did you--
Austin: What?
Investigator: That’s annoying. Stop it. I was reading your statement and you mentioned something about Mr. Benoit going “Austin 3:16”. What does that mean?
Austin: Austin 3:16 says, “I just whooped your ass.”
Investigator: So you are saying that Mr. Benoit “whooped” his families ass?
Austin: That’s the bottom line.
Investigator: Why is that the bottom line?
Austin: ‘Cause Stone Cold said so.
Investigator: Good enough for me.
Investigator: Up next is a Mr. Snitsky. Mr. Snitsky, are you here?
Snitsky: It wasn't my fault.
Investigator: No one said it was.
Snitsky: IT WASN'T MY FAULT.
Investigator: ………
Snitsky: IT WASN'T MY FAULT!!!!!!
Investigator: Ok, ok. You’re excused.
Investigator: What the hell is wrong with you people? Are you all on drugs or something?
Randy Savage: OOOOOOOOH YEAAAAAAAAH!
Investigator: That’s it. I give up. Thanks for your time. Good bye and good riddance.
Mankind: Have a nice daaaaaaay.
Credit to a friend of mine