Hallmark Cards That Didn't Make It

[Angelique]

My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat.

Sorry!
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Heard your wife left you, How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it... She moved in with me.
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Looking back over the years that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder... "What the hell was I thinking?"
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Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your husband.
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How could two people as beautiful as you! Have such an ugly baby? __________________________________________________ _______________

I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.
After having met you .. I've changed my mind.
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I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.
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As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.
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Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.
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Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)
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Happy birthday! You look great for your age. Almost Lifelike!
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When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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We have been friends for a very long time .. let's say we stop?
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I'm so miserable without you it's almost like you're here.
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Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?
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Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.
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So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side, it's really good pay.