bad_meetz_evil
02-20-2006, 07:30 PM
I recived this via email, and like to share it with you guys:
We always hear the rules from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note these are all numbered 1 ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You'r a big girl. If it's up, put it dow. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitcing about you leaving it down.
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Sunday=sports monday=wrestling. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Dont' cut your hair, ever.Long hair is always more atractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut thir hair, and by then you'r stuck with her.
1. Shopping is not a sport. And no, we will never see it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work! Stong hints don't work! Obvious hints don't work! Just say it.
1. Most guys own 3 pair of shoes, tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing wich pair, out of 30, would look good with you'r dress?
1. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what you'r girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. Go see a doctor.
1. Check you'r oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you don't dress like the victoria's secret girls don't expect us to act like the soap opera guys.
1. If you think you'r fat, you probably are. Don't ask, us we refuse to answer.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway. It's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know how best to do it, do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher columbus did not need directions. Neither do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it and quit whining to you'r girlfriends.
1. All men see in only 16 colours, like windows default settings. Peach for example is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We don't know what the hell mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. When you learn what a rollercam is, we'l learn what a damask is.
1. We are not mind readers and never will be. Our lack of mind reading is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say (nothing), we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying but it's just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you won't like.
1. When we go somewhere, anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we'r thinking unless you'r prepared to discuss such topic as navel lint, the shotgun formation or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes
1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.( Unless it's bruce lee or jackie chan.)
1. It's not in our best interest to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter wich quiz.
1. Beer is as exciting to us as handbags are to you.
1 Thank you for reading this. Yes, i know, i have to sleep on the couch tonight, but we really don't mind that. It's like camping.
We always hear the rules from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note these are all numbered 1 ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You'r a big girl. If it's up, put it dow. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitcing about you leaving it down.
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Sunday=sports monday=wrestling. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Dont' cut your hair, ever.Long hair is always more atractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut thir hair, and by then you'r stuck with her.
1. Shopping is not a sport. And no, we will never see it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work! Stong hints don't work! Obvious hints don't work! Just say it.
1. Most guys own 3 pair of shoes, tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing wich pair, out of 30, would look good with you'r dress?
1. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what you'r girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. Go see a doctor.
1. Check you'r oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you don't dress like the victoria's secret girls don't expect us to act like the soap opera guys.
1. If you think you'r fat, you probably are. Don't ask, us we refuse to answer.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway. It's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know how best to do it, do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher columbus did not need directions. Neither do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it and quit whining to you'r girlfriends.
1. All men see in only 16 colours, like windows default settings. Peach for example is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We don't know what the hell mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. When you learn what a rollercam is, we'l learn what a damask is.
1. We are not mind readers and never will be. Our lack of mind reading is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say (nothing), we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying but it's just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you won't like.
1. When we go somewhere, anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we'r thinking unless you'r prepared to discuss such topic as navel lint, the shotgun formation or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes
1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.( Unless it's bruce lee or jackie chan.)
1. It's not in our best interest to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter wich quiz.
1. Beer is as exciting to us as handbags are to you.
1 Thank you for reading this. Yes, i know, i have to sleep on the couch tonight, but we really don't mind that. It's like camping.