Black Widow
04-20-2006, 10:23 PM
Blonde paints the house
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes.
He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said....
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.
A redhead, a blonde and a brunette
Three women go down to Mexico one night, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I am from Grace University, and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent," They throw the switch and nothing happens.
They all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words, "I am from the Creighton School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the switch and again, nothing happens.
Again, they all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.
The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the University of Alabama, Huntsville and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell you right now, you ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in."
A Blonde & Brunette wathching the news
A blonde and brunette sit watching the 5 'o' clock news where a man is threatning to jump off a bridge.
the blonde says to the brunette i bet you ?100 that he doesn't jump the brunette replies ' ok i bet you ?100 that he does jump.
Sure enough the man jumped off of the bridge and killed himself. the blonde gets out ?100 and gives it to the brunette.
The brunette says 'i can't take you money.' 'Why not replies the blonde?' 'Because i watched the 12 '0' clock news and he was on then so i knew that he was going to jump.' The blonde replied 'i watched the 12 'o' clock news aswell but i didn't think that he would jump again'
Backseat blonde
A blonde and a guy were out on a date and they ended up at "Lovers Cove" where they were making out. The guy thought that things were going pretty good and maybe he would get lucky tonight, so he thought that he would ask her if she wanted to go in the back seat.
"NO!" yelled the blonde.
The guy just figured that she wasn't ready yet. Things got pretty hot and the guy thought he would try again.
"NO!" the blonde yelled again.
Things got even hotter and the blond was down to her bra and the guy even had her pants unzipped.
"Do you wanna go in the back seat yet?" asked the guy.
"For the last time, NO!" said the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asked, "Well, why the hell not?"
The blonde looked at him and said, "Because I wanna stay up here with you."
blondes in a freezer
Q:what do you call 7 blondes in a freezer?
A: frosted flakes
3 wishes
Once there was a brunette, a red head, and a blonde all lost on a lost island
Then, one day, when they were all walking along the island beach, they found a magic lamp
so of course they rubbed it, and out popped a Genie
"since i can only grant three wishes" the genie said, "u will each get one wish"
The brunette said" i have been stuck on this island for years, i miss my family.My husband. My life, i wish i could go home"
POOF! The brunette got her wish and got sent bak to her family.
The red-head said " i have also been stuck on this island for years, i miss my family. My husband. My life, i wish i could go home"
POOF! The red-head got her wish and was sent bak to her family.
Then the blonde started crying uncontrollably, the genie said " whatevers the matter, my dear?"
The blonde replied, sniffing, " i wish my friends were still here"
Blind man in a bar
A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for
awhile,
he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that
joke,
sir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind - that you should know five things:
1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 160 LB. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah, Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes.
He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said....
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.
A redhead, a blonde and a brunette
Three women go down to Mexico one night, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I am from Grace University, and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent," They throw the switch and nothing happens.
They all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words, "I am from the Creighton School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the switch and again, nothing happens.
Again, they all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.
The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the University of Alabama, Huntsville and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell you right now, you ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in."
A Blonde & Brunette wathching the news
A blonde and brunette sit watching the 5 'o' clock news where a man is threatning to jump off a bridge.
the blonde says to the brunette i bet you ?100 that he doesn't jump the brunette replies ' ok i bet you ?100 that he does jump.
Sure enough the man jumped off of the bridge and killed himself. the blonde gets out ?100 and gives it to the brunette.
The brunette says 'i can't take you money.' 'Why not replies the blonde?' 'Because i watched the 12 '0' clock news and he was on then so i knew that he was going to jump.' The blonde replied 'i watched the 12 'o' clock news aswell but i didn't think that he would jump again'
Backseat blonde
A blonde and a guy were out on a date and they ended up at "Lovers Cove" where they were making out. The guy thought that things were going pretty good and maybe he would get lucky tonight, so he thought that he would ask her if she wanted to go in the back seat.
"NO!" yelled the blonde.
The guy just figured that she wasn't ready yet. Things got pretty hot and the guy thought he would try again.
"NO!" the blonde yelled again.
Things got even hotter and the blond was down to her bra and the guy even had her pants unzipped.
"Do you wanna go in the back seat yet?" asked the guy.
"For the last time, NO!" said the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asked, "Well, why the hell not?"
The blonde looked at him and said, "Because I wanna stay up here with you."
blondes in a freezer
Q:what do you call 7 blondes in a freezer?
A: frosted flakes
3 wishes
Once there was a brunette, a red head, and a blonde all lost on a lost island
Then, one day, when they were all walking along the island beach, they found a magic lamp
so of course they rubbed it, and out popped a Genie
"since i can only grant three wishes" the genie said, "u will each get one wish"
The brunette said" i have been stuck on this island for years, i miss my family.My husband. My life, i wish i could go home"
POOF! The brunette got her wish and got sent bak to her family.
The red-head said " i have also been stuck on this island for years, i miss my family. My husband. My life, i wish i could go home"
POOF! The red-head got her wish and was sent bak to her family.
Then the blonde started crying uncontrollably, the genie said " whatevers the matter, my dear?"
The blonde replied, sniffing, " i wish my friends were still here"
Blind man in a bar
A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for
awhile,
he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that
joke,
sir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind - that you should know five things:
1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 160 LB. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah, Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."