Angelique
04-16-2007, 05:59 PM
In the world of sex there are some crazy positions and acts. None crazier than the list I am about to reveal. Many of you have heard of some of these, many have not. So, because I’ve been asked to (knowing of many of them, but never done them, damn!), I’m going to explain what some of the more, um, risqué positions and acts are. Are you ready? Sweet Jesus man, put that vasoline away! On with it then!
Warning! The following may be disgusting and/or offending in more than one way, nothing should be considered realistic yet all are possible. If you actually have done one or more of these, well…you da man.
Dirty Sanchez: when you’re boofing a girl from behind, you finger her butt and then wipe it across her upper lip. It gives her a little mustache, hence the name. (effin mex’s)
Rusty Trombone: when a girl is tossing your salad and jerkin you off at the same time (beeooowip!)
Snowball: you cum in the girl’s mouth and when you kiss her she pushes it into your mouth. (lovely, huh?)
Redwings aka Tuna Melt: you eat a girl out on her period. (shutter)
Houdini: you’re doing a girl from behind when you spit on her back. Thinking you’re done she turns around and you shoot your load in her eye. (my all-time fave)
Red Dragon: the girl is giving you head and when you cum in her mouth slap the back of her head so that the jizz comes out her nose. (hahaha)
Mushroom Tattoo: while the girl is sucking your piece, you pull it out fast and whip it into her cheek as hard as you can leave your imprint. (better whip it hard!)
Chili Dog: you shit on the girl’s chest in between her tits and then tittyfuck her. (don’t worry, they get more disgusting)
The Retriever: you jizz in a girl’s butt then suck it back out. (my suggestion, get a 2nd girl to suck it back out, unless you like cum…fag)
The Golden Retriever: you piss in her butt and suck it back out. (same suggestion)
The Shocker: two in the pink, one in the stink (boo yah!)
The Enterprise aka DVDA: two in the pink, TWO in the stink (make the sign outta your hand, yea, it’s a Star Trek thing)
Glass Bottom Boat: you put a piece of saran wrap over her head and then shit on it. (yea, I don’t know the sex part of this but whatever, I don’t make em up)
The Snow Plow: you’re doing a girl from behind and then you take out her arms (she’s on all fours) with your arm making her head fall to the ground rendering her unconscious. Then push her around the room knocking into furniture and the like. (ask Fogal for the demonstration, it’s great)
Rodeo aka Bucking Bronco: you’re doing a girl from behind when you grab a hold of her hair while whispering into her ear that you have AIDS. If you can stay on for 8 seconds you’re a rodeo rockstar! (hella points if you pull that off brother)
Dizzy Gillespie: the girl is tossing your salad when you fart and her mouth gets full of the gas thus making her look like Dizzy playing his trumpet. (salt peanuts, salt peanuts!)
Donkeypunch: you’re doin a girl from behind. Right before you’re gonna blow your load you sock her on the back of her head rendering her unconscious which makes all her muscles tense up. This means her vag will tighten up right when nut making it feel extra sweet. (this one is a classic and one of the first)
Marshmallow Lovers: you shit in the girl’s mouth and then cum all over it. (think of the tasty hot cocoa beverage from Swiss Miss!)
Western Grip: instead of jerking off normally, turn your hand around so that your thumb is pointing in toward you…yea, there ya go. (oh yea!)
The Stranger: you sit on your hand until its numb and jerk off. (it’s like somebody else)
Jelly Donut: you nut all over the girl’s face. Then you punch her in the nose making it bleed. (get it?…another classic)
Blumpkin: you get a girl to suck your piece while you’re droppin a deuce. (haha, this one is so fucking funny, by the way, Fogal’s fave right here)
Cleveland Steamer: while you’re getting your piece waxed you shit on her chest. (ewww)
Golden Shower: duh, you piss all over the bitch. (it’s rainin men, hallelujah)
Pearl Necklace: you jizz across the girl’s neck. (don’t women love jewelry?)
The Flying Camel: while she’s on her back and you’re pluggin away, balance yourself on top of her with your legs and arms up in the air as you let out a battle scream. (fuckin weird one)
Fish hook: when you’re fingering the girl you curl your finger and pull back. (I gotta big one Doug, oo wee, and it sure does stink!)
The Battering Ram: you’re pluggin her from behind near a wall when you proceed to fuck her so hard that you hit her head repeatedly against the wall allowing for deeper penetration. (give her some Advil later, she’ll thank you for it!)
Dog In The Bathtub: you try and slip your sac in her asshole. It’s called what it is because it’s as hard as keeping a dog in the bathtub while bathing it. (you know what I’m talking about)
The Geyser aka Fountain of You: the girl eats your ass as you sit on her face. Then you beat off like crazy and then blow your load straight up. (try to move outta the way when it comes down, bonus if you get it in her mouth!)
Buckwheat: you eat out a girl with a vag looking like Buckwheat between her legs. When you get a hairball you make out with her and slip it to her. (watch her get pissed and choke/cough, it’s fun!)
Gaylord Perry: when you’ve got her virgin cornhole in your face, don’t finger it or even use a knuckle. Use two or more. Grind away friend, grind away. (make this famous knuckleballer proud baby!)
Rear Admiral: doing a girl from behind while both of you are standing up. You thrust your hips into hers pushing her forward. Make sure she can’t grab onto anything. If you can push her around the room with hitting anything and without using your hands for support on her hips, you’re a Rear Admiral. (kinda weak but hey)
Dutch Oven: while doing the deed in bed and you break wind, pull the covers over both of you so she can enjoy your Taco Bell too.
Warning! The following may be disgusting and/or offending in more than one way, nothing should be considered realistic yet all are possible. If you actually have done one or more of these, well…you da man.
Dirty Sanchez: when you’re boofing a girl from behind, you finger her butt and then wipe it across her upper lip. It gives her a little mustache, hence the name. (effin mex’s)
Rusty Trombone: when a girl is tossing your salad and jerkin you off at the same time (beeooowip!)
Snowball: you cum in the girl’s mouth and when you kiss her she pushes it into your mouth. (lovely, huh?)
Redwings aka Tuna Melt: you eat a girl out on her period. (shutter)
Houdini: you’re doing a girl from behind when you spit on her back. Thinking you’re done she turns around and you shoot your load in her eye. (my all-time fave)
Red Dragon: the girl is giving you head and when you cum in her mouth slap the back of her head so that the jizz comes out her nose. (hahaha)
Mushroom Tattoo: while the girl is sucking your piece, you pull it out fast and whip it into her cheek as hard as you can leave your imprint. (better whip it hard!)
Chili Dog: you shit on the girl’s chest in between her tits and then tittyfuck her. (don’t worry, they get more disgusting)
The Retriever: you jizz in a girl’s butt then suck it back out. (my suggestion, get a 2nd girl to suck it back out, unless you like cum…fag)
The Golden Retriever: you piss in her butt and suck it back out. (same suggestion)
The Shocker: two in the pink, one in the stink (boo yah!)
The Enterprise aka DVDA: two in the pink, TWO in the stink (make the sign outta your hand, yea, it’s a Star Trek thing)
Glass Bottom Boat: you put a piece of saran wrap over her head and then shit on it. (yea, I don’t know the sex part of this but whatever, I don’t make em up)
The Snow Plow: you’re doing a girl from behind and then you take out her arms (she’s on all fours) with your arm making her head fall to the ground rendering her unconscious. Then push her around the room knocking into furniture and the like. (ask Fogal for the demonstration, it’s great)
Rodeo aka Bucking Bronco: you’re doing a girl from behind when you grab a hold of her hair while whispering into her ear that you have AIDS. If you can stay on for 8 seconds you’re a rodeo rockstar! (hella points if you pull that off brother)
Dizzy Gillespie: the girl is tossing your salad when you fart and her mouth gets full of the gas thus making her look like Dizzy playing his trumpet. (salt peanuts, salt peanuts!)
Donkeypunch: you’re doin a girl from behind. Right before you’re gonna blow your load you sock her on the back of her head rendering her unconscious which makes all her muscles tense up. This means her vag will tighten up right when nut making it feel extra sweet. (this one is a classic and one of the first)
Marshmallow Lovers: you shit in the girl’s mouth and then cum all over it. (think of the tasty hot cocoa beverage from Swiss Miss!)
Western Grip: instead of jerking off normally, turn your hand around so that your thumb is pointing in toward you…yea, there ya go. (oh yea!)
The Stranger: you sit on your hand until its numb and jerk off. (it’s like somebody else)
Jelly Donut: you nut all over the girl’s face. Then you punch her in the nose making it bleed. (get it?…another classic)
Blumpkin: you get a girl to suck your piece while you’re droppin a deuce. (haha, this one is so fucking funny, by the way, Fogal’s fave right here)
Cleveland Steamer: while you’re getting your piece waxed you shit on her chest. (ewww)
Golden Shower: duh, you piss all over the bitch. (it’s rainin men, hallelujah)
Pearl Necklace: you jizz across the girl’s neck. (don’t women love jewelry?)
The Flying Camel: while she’s on her back and you’re pluggin away, balance yourself on top of her with your legs and arms up in the air as you let out a battle scream. (fuckin weird one)
Fish hook: when you’re fingering the girl you curl your finger and pull back. (I gotta big one Doug, oo wee, and it sure does stink!)
The Battering Ram: you’re pluggin her from behind near a wall when you proceed to fuck her so hard that you hit her head repeatedly against the wall allowing for deeper penetration. (give her some Advil later, she’ll thank you for it!)
Dog In The Bathtub: you try and slip your sac in her asshole. It’s called what it is because it’s as hard as keeping a dog in the bathtub while bathing it. (you know what I’m talking about)
The Geyser aka Fountain of You: the girl eats your ass as you sit on her face. Then you beat off like crazy and then blow your load straight up. (try to move outta the way when it comes down, bonus if you get it in her mouth!)
Buckwheat: you eat out a girl with a vag looking like Buckwheat between her legs. When you get a hairball you make out with her and slip it to her. (watch her get pissed and choke/cough, it’s fun!)
Gaylord Perry: when you’ve got her virgin cornhole in your face, don’t finger it or even use a knuckle. Use two or more. Grind away friend, grind away. (make this famous knuckleballer proud baby!)
Rear Admiral: doing a girl from behind while both of you are standing up. You thrust your hips into hers pushing her forward. Make sure she can’t grab onto anything. If you can push her around the room with hitting anything and without using your hands for support on her hips, you’re a Rear Admiral. (kinda weak but hey)
Dutch Oven: while doing the deed in bed and you break wind, pull the covers over both of you so she can enjoy your Taco Bell too.