Looking At A "they Do Know Wrestlemania Is Just Two Weeks Away, Right" Edition Of Raw

By the time Raw ended last night, my emotions ran the gamut. Confused, as in who in the company thought this was a good way to build up their biggest show of the year (and that doesn't even take into account the booking). Dumbfounded, as in how could anyone in that company think that they have done a good job of promoting any of the top matches from this brand for Mania. Angry, as in I gave them two plus hours of my life and got nothing substantial back in return. Taken advantage of, as in I have to pay 55 dollars in two weeks for a show that haven't put in even a pedestrian amount of effort to make interesting or exciting. Yes, it's WrestleMania and a lot of the work will be good, but that is where the positives end. Is that worth 55 dollars to you? If so, you are a lot luckier than I am. I feel like I am getting fleeced here and frankly it ticks me off.

The Angles:

OK, so WWE learned nothing from last week, huh? No one wants to cheer for Floyd Mayweather, so what does WWE do? They try to book Big Show as a heel. Brilliant. Then, they did the segment where Floyd was humble and told us about his horrible childhood as a way to get us in his corner. Guess what WWE? He will still get booed because, wait for it, HE'S UNLIKABLE! Boxing learned this a long time ago but I guess Don King is smarter than WWE creative. I hope that the fans turn on that match in a big way and totally screw creative up at Mania.

Triple H gave a good promo to William Regal. The best part was, it was logical! It made sense. What a concept! It was one of the few things on this show that did!

I guess creative thought it was funny to play off of JBL's past "locker room pranks" by having him call out Colin Delaney and then beat the snot out of him. I guess that was there way of saying, "Just in case you were getting into this guy on Tuesdays, we need you to know that he is a doormat". Again, brilliant. And where was Delaney's mentor, Tommy Dreamer? Doesn't his mother or wife let him come out on Monday nights? Jeez, this was stupid on many levels. It has become the WWE way to book guys to be losers and then wonder why they don't have any "up and coming superstars". Now, I am not saying that Delaney was a future main-eventer, but he had started to turn the corner on Tuesdays and his angle progressed. Then they throw him to the wolf and make him a doormat again last night and for what? To show us that JB-Man Boobs is a tough guy? Amazing.

The Matches:

Punk and Carlito had one of those "they are equal" matches where Carlito was in control most of the way so Punk got the pin. It could have just as easily had the roles reversed. See, since they are equal, whoever dominates has to lose.

Umaga vs. London and Kendrick was a squash to set up the big man's animal-ness for his match against The Animal Batista. At least they set up the possibility of Kendrick and London feuding which, in addition to good matches, means that maybe these guys will have a purpose on TV again. That would be a positive, for sure. Then again, it could have also been a set up point for Triple H's promo that followed. Find out on Heat next week wrestling fans!

JBL beating up Colin Delaney was an utter waste of a segment. as mentioned above, it didn't make JBL seem tough and it killed some of the momentum that Delaney had been getting recently. Brilliant.

Wow, I know that they have booked Ric Flair badly in the past but last night they took the cake. They had him get his ass handed to him for most of the match from not only a guy older than him, but a guy that is not only NOT a wrestler, but a guy who isn't even man enough to wrestle in bare hands. Why does Vince wear those goofy workout gloves anyway? A tough guy like JBL would never do that. Anyway, if they had played up the beat down that Flair took on Smackdown then maybe I could understand how a fossil like Vince McMahon could put a beating on The Nature Boy but they didn't (and this is WWE that reminds us of EVERYTHING so they just chose not to). Why not? Because we can't have Vince look weak, even though he's a non-wrestling fossil. Then, to make matters worse, the old goat had Flair beaten cleanly and it took Shawn Michaels to save his ass. Yep, Flair couldn't beat Vince by himself but we are supposed to think he has a chance against Shawn? Finally, Flair hit the cool table spot against Grandpa Al Lewis, er Vince, and scored the pin. Yeah, he's really ready for Shawn now. Jeez. In theory, I can see why the fans had fun with this match, since it was plunderful, as long as they checked logic at the door. Me? I just saw a non-wrestling old guy beat up the greatest worker of all time, albeit also an old guy. Yeah, I am really compelled to see if Flair can keep his career going now after that showing.

The divas tag match was fine for what it was. To be honest, I was just trying to come down from the amazing Geritol on a Pole bout that preceded it. Forgive me for not paying as much attention as I should. It's not often I get to see two stars battle over who will have to pick up the senior discount dinner check.

Honestly, I was afraid that Chris Jericho was going to beat Big Show to "show us that Floyd Mayweather could too". So, I was just happy that he didn't. Of course, the IC title once again looks like a prop but we aren't exactly breaking any new ground here.
From a fun factor, I enjoyed the main event since it was fast paced. The point of it was that Randy Orton and John Cena are really tough and having them go on a mass pin-a-thon was the way to prove that. Well, at least until HHH came down to the ring and showed them who was the boss. As for the rest of the Raw roster, well other than JBL and Umaga, we found out that they are bunch of pussies, pussies that get pinned really easily. But the question is, did this match make Mania a must buy for you? Nah, me either.

What To Make Sure And Watch If You DVR'd The Show:

Honestly, there's not a damn thing you need to watch on this show. The main event was fun, if you ignore they laid out the undercard, but two weeks before Mania they needed a much better show than this.

Rhetorical And Unanswered Questions:

Come on, does anyone believe that Chris Jericho really cares as much as he said he did about having a B grade title?

Why were the fans booing Show for telling the truth, that he could whip Jericho's ass in a shoot?

If Jericho was as tough as he thought he was, wouldn't he be in a better Mania match than MITB?

Why would Vince be so happy about a star in Hollywood that he could get by paying for it?

And when Lawler said it was quite an accomplishment, wasn't he just saying what he was told?

Does a senior citizen who Congress has in its crosshairs really want to be bragging about pushing 700 pounds of weight?

Wow, is CM Punk the one guy that Carlito can beat like a government mule or what?

Did it shock ANYONE when The King said the bout he was looking for at WrestleMania was the Bunny match?

Is Snoop the only one who can ask creative "who wrote this stuff" and get away with it?

Damn, didn't Umaga look beastly against Joe and Broni, er, London and Kendrick?

Is Kermit the Frog pissed he is stuck next to Vince McMahon in Hollywood for all eternity?

Why was Flair shocked Shawn was at Raw when, well, it's his job to be there?

And, how could he "not have a match: when it was supposed to be everyone on Raw vs. Cena and Orton?

Why is it that Flair just sweats doing promos now?

Doesn't that tell you it's time for him to hang it up?

When Finlay talked about how hard it was to see his "son" in a hospital bed, why didn't he EXPLAIN why he let his son get treated like crap by Vince for months and not say anything?

Isn't there just something ridiculously ironic about an established bully like JBL calling out Colin Delaney for a beat down?

With all kidding aside, isn't it time for JBL to get, and wear, a bra in the ring?

I mean, doesn't he have some of the biggest natural breasts in WWE now?

How is it that Vince McMahon is older that Ric Flair but his body looks way younger?

Was I really watching two guys with a combined age over 120 years at the start of the second hour of Raw?

Does anyone really believe that Jared lost all that weight by eating Subway subs?

So, are Maria and Candice lesbians or what?

And if they aren't, couldn't they consider it?

Did Santino really ask Lawler how he would feel if his young girlfriend posed for Playboy? REALLY?

Wow, did they really do a storyline where two guys fought over a Subway sandwich?

Does that scream WRESTLEMANIA in TWO WEEKS or what?

Did JR really say "Good Lord what a right hand" for that mushy shot that Show wobbled at Jericho?

Why didn't Santino kick Jared's ass?

Was it because he didn't want to turn face?

So, was Kim Kardashian telling us as long as we have 55 bucks we are "hip and cool" and can see Mania?

One more time, who thinks Dick Johnson is a good idea?

How can John Cena, Randy Orton and Triple H all be so civil to each other backstage?

When did wrestling stop being about wanting to kick the other guy's ass 24-7?

Even though Orton and Cena were laid out, shouldn't H have run down to the ring?

Why is it that some guys who worked earlier matches also worked the main while others didn't?

And, where was Shawn Michaels?

Or Kennedy?

Or Jericho?

Did WWE forget that all of them were in the main event graphic at the beginning of the show?

Did Triple H, like everyone else, point at the Mania sign because he was subliminally trying to say, "Sure we have done nothing to make you buy this show but come on, it's WrestleMania so get out your wallets!!!!"?

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