Beware the Ides of March!: The Best TV Assassins
Beware the Ides of March!: The Best TV Assassins
You don't want to end up like Caesar, do you?! Bone up on your survival skills by taking a few cues from UGO's list of The Best TV Assassins.
25
Mandy
Alias: Mia Kirshner
The Scourge Of: 24
Judge her not by her size, will you! This pint-sized pixie made more than enough trouble for Jack Bauer and David Palmer during days one and four of the series, attempting assassinations of the president, blowing up planes and killing most all innocents who stood in her way.
Mandy also holds the distinction of being 24's only surviving villain by the end of season eight.
24
Brother Mouzone
Alias: Michael Potts
The Scourge Of: The Wire
Just because you're a ruthless assassin doesn't mean you can't be a gentleman. Just ask Brother Mouzone, whose bespectacled, bow-tied and dignified appearance gave color to his reputation as one of TV's Nicest Bad Guys, not even begrudging Omar for the gunshot wound he'd imparted under belief that Mouzone had murdered his boyfriend.
23
Happy
Alias: David LaBrava
The Scourge Of: Sons of Anarchy
What's the only thing cooler than a motorcycle riding nomad assassin who shows no remorse in his killings, even tattooing happy-faces on himself for every murder?
David LaBrava is actually a Hell's Angel in real life, originally brought on as the technical advisor for the show!
22
Alex Krycek
Alias: Nicholas Lea
The Scourge Of: The X-Files
Personal agent and assassin to the cigarette-smoking man, Alex Krycek expanded from a three-episode arc as Mulder's replacement into a seven-season long odyssey of moral ambiguity, as the agent would switch sides, come under the influence of the Black Oil, lose an arm, and even come back from the grave to aid Mulder.
Yes, The X-Files had ghosts, too.
21
Stan Smith
Alias: Seth MacFarlane
The Scourge Of: American Dad!
Much more than a dedicated family man and professional CIA assassin, the ultra-republican Stan Smith tickles our funny bone in a way that years of government training under Patrick Stewart just can't teach. Not to mention, that chin is practically a weapon on its own.
20
Paul Kellerman
Alias: Paul Adelstein
The Scourge Of: Prison Break
When the Secret Service start getting in on the assassination game, you've got a lot more to worry about than prison breaks and murder conspiracies.
President Reynolds' personal assassin that you loved to hate, Kellerman escaped the series karmically unscathed, ending out season four as a successful congressman with just a bit of egg on his face.
19
Curare
Alias: Unknown (no dialogue)
The Scourge Of: Batman Beyond
Perhaps the only thing scarier than a blue-skinned assassin hopping from hovercar to hovercar wielding a molecule-dividing razor-sharp katana, with a disfigured (albeit hidden) face? Never speaking, or offering so much as a single condolence to those you kill. How rude
18
Sam Adama
Alias: Sasha Roiz
The Scourge Of: Caprica
Even the Adama family tree of Battlestar Galactica has a blemish or two, as one of Bill's uncles glimpsed in Caprica worked as an enforcer for the Ha'la'tha crime syndicate on Caprica itself, especially deadly with twin pair of knives.
17
Max Guevara
Alias: Jessica Alba
The Scourge Of: Dark Angel
Jessica wasn't the only X-5 catting around the world of Dark Angel, as numerous other escapees for the Manticore group (hey look, it's Jensen Ackles!) went on the run in the dystopian 2019, hoping to escape their designated training as super-soldier assassins and lead normal lives.
16
Aeryn Sun
Alias: Claudia Black
The Scourge Of: Farscape
As if Aeryn Sun wasn't enough of an Ass-Kicking TV Babe already, the climactic events of season three (her death, John's death, it was complicated) saw Aeryn returning to her roots as a Peacekeeper and taking the odd assassination job. All of this while pregnant, no less!
15
Molotov Cocktease
Alias: Mia Barron
The Scourge Of: The Venture Bros.
Many more assassins should wear skintight catsuits with next to no-covering in the front or back. As with many of the cosplay girls seen around Comic-Con adorned in the likeness of Brock Samson's most recurring nemesis/love interest, we'd be too distracted by the outfit to notice the knife plunged in our neck.
14
Asajj Ventress
Alias: Grey DeLisle
The Scourge Of: Star Wars: Clone Wars
When you're born with a sinister-sounding name like Asajj Ventress, appearing bald and gray-skinned with a voice rivaling that of a life-time chain-smoking serpent, there's not much chance of growing up a well-adjusted waitress in Dexter Jettster's diner.
The Sith assassin has menaced Obi-Wan and Anakin since her first appearance, and Star Wars fans patiently await news of her ultimate fate.
13
Paulie Walnuts
Alias: Tony Sirico
The Scourge Of: The Sopranos
It was a tough call between Silvio and Paulie, but the silver-streaked Mr. Walnuts, caporegime of the family wins the day for holding the record of most murders in the series, clocking in with a total of nine.
Sure Silvio might seem more ruthless, but slap a bandana and guitar on him and he's harmless.
12
Combustion Man
Alias: Sparky-Sparky Boom Man
The Scourge Of: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Subtlety was not the name of the game for this Fire nation assassin, whose clanking metal arms and legs gave away his presence to the Aang Gang long before the giant explosions fired from the mute killer's third eye.
11
Sarah Walker
Alias: Yvonne Strahovski
The Scourge Of: Chuck
We have to imagine that any real assassin would take on something of a less attention-grabbing appearance, but we'll give Sarah Walker the benefit of the doubt for successfully balancing her wholesome romance with the dark, murderous assignments the CIA tends to place her on.
10
The Alien Bounty Hunter
Alias: Brian Thompson
The Scourge Of: The X-Files
Practically mute, muscle-bound and with acid for blood, the mysterious shape-shifting Alien Bounty Hunter clones made their menace known throughout eight seasons of The X-Files, killing those who threatened the Colonists' conspiracy.
It was then, that actor Brian Thompson would walk off the set, and continue terrorizing the rest of the world with his appearance.
9
The Terminators
Alias: Summer Glau, Garret Dillahunt
The Scourge Of: Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Re-programmed or not, every Terminator from Cameron to Cromartie was designed as an infiltrator-model assassin, extremely strong, durable, and in Summer Glau's case made to catch us off guard with the occasional skivvies-walk. And that's just good programming.
8
The Phantasm
Alias: Andrea Beaumont (Dana Delany)
The Scourge Of: Batman: Mask of the Phantasm
Taking revenge on her father's murderers, Andrea dons a scythe-hand, a gray cloak, and apparently about 50 lbs. of muscle to act as the Phantasm, who after settling her unfinished business with Bruce and the Joker becomes an assassin for hire, later in life inadvertently helps create the next generation, project Batman Beyond.
7
Elim Garak
Alias: Andrew Robinson
The Scourge Of: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Oh, you know. It's that same old story. Man works as an agent of the government, silently assassinating those in the way, gathering intelligence, before a falling out over moral issues sees him disgraced with the work, and he resigns to live in the public eye as a tailor.
Except he's an alien. On a space station. And kind of a smart-alec.
6
Kai
Alias: Michael McManu
The Scourge Of: LEXX
Try not to laugh at the hair. Try not to laugh at the hair. The last of the Brunnen'G, Kai the undead assassin of His Divine Shawow made for a particularly effective heretic-killer thanks to his de-carbonized physique and...oh God, look at the hair!
5
Nikita
Alias: Maggie Q
The Scourge Of: Nikita
Any of the babes to bare the name Nikita, be it Peta Wilson, Maggie Q or Lyndsy Fonseca hold special places in our hearts.
Most notably because in addition to capturing our affections with such appealing displays of skin and skill, their Section training would probably enable them to actually rip out and hold parts of our hearts.
4
Mike the Cleaner
Alias: Jonathan Banks
The Scourge Of: Breaking Bad
Seemingly innocuous, the grizzled "Mike" has a hand in cleaning up the more illegal messes left in the wake of Walter White and Jesse Pinkman, and later reveals his true allegiance to Gus and unparalleled badassery by single-handedly taking down a warehouse full of cartel thugs with unorthodox means.
Unorthodox? See for yourself.
3
Anna Espinosa
Alias: Gina Torres
The Scourge Of: Alias
Seriously, in what role didn't Gina Torres play an ass-kicking femme fatale? Initially Sydney's nemesis at K-Directorate, the only thing that made Anna more deadly was being genetically modified to actually look like Sydney.
I didn't know Alias went that heavy into sci-fi either.
2
Sayid Jarrah
Alias: Naveen Andrews
The Scourge Of: LOST
You know, we never did actually learn who "The Economist" was. But a few un-answered questions here and there couldn't stop us from loving LOST's resident tortured torturer, who took to personally eliminating threats to Ben Linus in his time off-island.
After all, you'd have to find some way to make golf interesting.
1
Marcus Junius Brutus
Alias: Tobias Menzies
The Scourge Of: Rome
Who more apropos for the Ides of March than the man who actually assassinated Caesar on the Ides of March?
Portrayed by actor Tobias Menzies, Rome's Brutus was a bit more of a momma's boy than history remembers, but still faithfully served his place in history by acting along with the other senators to stab Caesar and install Marc Antony in his place.
UGO
