Apple introduces In-Utero EarPods
CUPERTINO, CA — Apple today expanded its music marketing to a previously untapped demographic — the unborn.
Apple In-Utero EarPods give parents a chance to “share their love by sharing their playlists.”
In-Utero EarPods are installed in less than five minutes. Expectant mothers can have their own gynecologist perform the procedure or make an appointment at their local Genius Bar (privacy screens available).
“Imagine being locked away for nine months without music,” reads Apple’s press release. “In-Utero EarPods help your fetus relieve the boredom of gestation.”
An update to iTunes provides a new “Rock Me Baby” EQ setting that reduces the possibility of overloading developing eardrums.
“Fetus ears come in all shapes and sizes,” says Apple. “By studying thousands of ultrasounds, our engineers have come up with the perfect shape — round.”
Apple’s In-Uterus EarPods have ignited new debate between the pro-choice and pro-life camps.
Casey Stein, a NY-based pro-life activist, says “If a fetus can appreciate music in the womb, does that not prove that life has begun?”
“Absurd,” counters pro-choice spokesman Kevin Stanger. “Clearly life begins with the ability to choose one’s own playlist, a feature that In-Utero EarPods do not provide.”
In just one day, Apple claims that over 100,000 expectant mothers have made Genius Bar appointments for installation. Current waiting time is 10-14 days — during which time fetuses will be forced to listen only to the muffled sounds of parents’ conversations.
Scoopertino - Yes, this is satire.
