Good Bad Worse

Good: Some time alone to enjoy yourself
BAD: You can't find your vibrator.
WORSE: Your daughter "borrowed" it.

Good: Your son shows a talent for creative film editing
BAD: You find a porn movie in your son's room.
WORSE: You're in it.

Good: Your children are ahead of their peers scholastically
BAD: They are also sexually active early.
WORSE: With each other.

Good: Your husband buys you lots of expensive lingerie
BAD: He's a cross dresser.
WORSE: He looks better in it than you.

Good: Your son shows a spiritual side
BAD: He's involved in Satanism.
WORSE: As a sacrifice.

Good: Your wife earns six digit incomes every year
BAD: She wants a divorce.
WORSE: She's a lawyer.

Good: You and your wife compliment each other sexually
BAD: Your wife's leaving you.
WORSE: For another woman.

OR

Good: You and your wife compliment each other sexually
BAD: Your wife's leaving you.
WORSE: To enter a convent.

Good: You notice your wife's spending less money lately
BAD: Your wife's arrested for soliciting.
WORSE: She implicates you.

GOOD: Hot outdoor sex.
BAD: You're arrested.
WORSE: By your husband.

GOOD: The postman's early.
BAD: He's wearing camos and has an AK-47.
Worse: Your didn't tip him last Christmas

GOOD: The secretary said "yes."
BAD: Your wife says "no."
Worse: They leave together

GOOD: The teacher likes your son.
BAD: Sexually.
WORSE: He's gay.

GOOD: You came home for a quickie.
BAD: So did the postman.
Worse: Both of you have to wait in line

GOOD: You came home for a quickie.
BAD: Your wife walks in.
Worse: You're with the postman.

GOOD: You get a three-day weekend.
BAD: You get the flu on Friday.
Worse: It's the bird flu

GOOD: You wife got tickets to the theatre.
BAD: It's nude male performance art.
Worse: Your seat's are center stage

GOOD: You go to see a strip show.
BAD: Your daughter's the headliner.
Worse: Your wife introduces her

GOOD: Your boyfriend's exercising.
BAD: So he'll fit in your clothes.
Worse: He looks good in them

GOOD: Your car conveniently "runs out of gas."
BAD: For real.
Worse: The woman you picked up is a guy

GOOD: Your child's "waiting for Mr. Right".
BAD: It's your son.
Worse: He wants to be a mother

GOOD: Your daughter's on the Pill.
BAD: She's eleven.
Worse: It didn't work

GOOD: Your neighbor exercises in the nude.
BAD: He weighs 350 pounds.
Worse: Your husband thinks she's sexy

GOOD: Your son's doing extra credit work.
BAD: Making a sexed video.
Worse: You're listed as creative consultant and star

GOOD: Your uncle leaves you a fortune.
BAD: It's counterfeit.
Worse: The FBI think you made it

GOOD: Your wife bought a porn video.
BAD: Your daughter's the star.
Worse: So's your son

GOOD: Your wife likes outdoor sex.
BAD: You live downtown.
Worse: She's selling tickets

GOOD: Your wife meets you at the door nude.
BAD: She's coming home.
Worse: She's with your dad

GOOD: Your wife's kinky.
BAD: With the neighbors.
WORSE: All of them.