Signs That Romance Is Gone

1. Spouse uses your toothbrush to scrub tile grout

2. Spouse is not moaning while making love but moaning about it.

3. The only thigh you see on your anniversary is at KFC

4. E-Mailing jokes is now your sole source of sexual gratification

5. Morning breath no longer gives you that same thrill

6. Husband's suggestions to "try swinging" grow alarmingly frequent

7. Husband wants to adopt 19-year-old waitress from Hooters

8. Your spouse's favorite sexual position is now next door

9. Wife keeping list of things she'll do after you're dead

10. Request for sex now gets you $20 and a map of downtown

11. Phone bill reveals late night phone calls to "900" numbers

12. Every morning you have to retrieve your penis from the lawn