Signs You Watch Too Much Wrestling
- Every time you watch the movie 2001 you wonder why Flair never sued them for stealing his music.
- You wonder if the wrecks in Nascar are works.
- In a political debate at your school, you call Bob Dole a face, Al Gore a heel, and Bill Clinton a tweener.
- In your resume under experience you write, "I'm the best there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be"
- You have a turkey vulture for a pet.
- You buy the latest Sting album wondering how he can sing if he can't even talk.
- You suspect your best friend is just setting you up for a heel turn.
- You make the football team & instead of ordering a letter jacket you wear a Flair robe with your schools logo on it to class.
- You go through an airport security line and you let them check everything except your boots...
- You pose in a photo with a few friends and instinctively flash the "Four Horsemen" sign.
- You begin to shake someone's hand in public but then hesistate to look for the crowd's response.
- You get into a real fight and you blade.
- You do the "Flair Strut" into a meeting at work...
- When you talk to the boss, every other phrase is "Wooooooooo!"...
- You are at work and accidently slip and fall against a table or chair and wonder if you should "blade"...
- Your boss calls you in for a meeting on cutbacks and you insist on talking about YOUR workrate...
- You go to shake someone's hand at work and pull back at the last second to smooth down your hair and say "Woooooooo!"....
- Someone else falls against a table/chair...and you start screaming "You're extreme! You're extreme!"
- During someone's retirement ceremony, you are asked to speak...you get up and talk about the person's average size, average speed, average carpentry skills... and then talk about how he parlayed it into a great career....you then talk about how he can't even open a beer anymore with his left hand...and then proceed to tell a story about a fat broad slapping him on.
- You scream at the top of your lungs and you don't know why :)
- You start off every conversation with " ooooooooooh, whata rush "
- You die your mustache blond while leaving your beard black.
- After you beat someone up, you spray paint their back
- You constantly deny that Brian Christopher is your son
- After you beat someone up, you spray paint their back. Afterthat, he backstabsall his friends and you let him into yourgroup.
- Your job is your gimmick
- Someone you work with leaves for another job, with more money, you accusethem of being disloyal to the fed that made them a star.
- A promotion at work is seen as getting a push.
- Your first reaction on seeing the Diana crash was "She's hardcore"
- Every secret is "kayfabe".
- You claim that your favorite sports teams were "jobbed".
- You call any kind of fan a "mark".
- You flex in front of every mirror.
- You and your friends develop a secret hand signal.
- You won't go into a pet store for fear of lemmings.
- You chokeslam your cat.
- You rack your neighbor's dog.
- If you feel the need to do a Flair impersonation before going on SpaceMountain. (Has anyone here ever done this.)
- You never sit in any chairs without checking them (ala wwf bluechair) orwcw balsa wood chair; for fear your weight might collapse it.
- You tell your cat "Meow one more time, and you can forget the 'Fancy Feast'man, 'cause I'll open up a can of 'Whoop Ass' and see how you like the tasteof that!"
- You see an American flag, and immediately cross your eyes, stick your tongueout, give a big thumbs up and yell, "HOOOOOO!!! Tough guy!"
- You dream about splashing your boss from the top of your cubicle walls.
- You win an award and immediately spray paint "nWo" on it.
- You rate women on a scale of Chyna to Sunny.
- You attend a graduation, and yell "Ooooooh yeah!" when 'Pomp and Circumstance'plays.
- You start your own e-fed... with you as the only participant, and thentry to out-book McMahon and Bischoff.
- You buy your four year old daughter a Ric Flair doll instead of Ken togo with her Barbie collection
- You wake up in the morning rsing from the dead like the Undertaker ratherthan just rolling out of bed
- Every time you sit down a table you consider how easily it might breakif you were to moonsault it.
- You buy a HBK doll to go with Ken
- You clothsline people in the supermarket for no real reason.
- You t-bone suplex your kids to bed
- You greet your in-laws by jumping around pointing to your crotch ala Syxx.
- You walk around with a towel on your head and you wipe your feet on invisiblemats before you enter any room
- You shatter your knee-cap giving your friend a Tombstone Piledriver onconcrete
- You're not embaressed anymore to go into a store and rent a wrestling video.
- You won't leave the bathroom until they play your theme music.
- You walk into a party you tell them to "cut the music"
- You walk into a bar and barge in the middle of a group of Mexicans talkingand shout "Arriba La Raza!"
- You get into a public place and, for some sort of things you hear somepeople booing at something and you think they're booing at you and you startyelling at the people to shut up.
- You elbow smash your dog & turn him/her over for the three count
- You start naming your pets after wrestlers. I.E. We have a cat named KittyKind and a new puppy named Dude Dog.
- You borrow $50,000 from the bank & start a carpentry business, &make all your chairs out of balsa & your tables weak in the middle inhopes that the PE will hear & subcontract out to you.
- You give the AA thumb across the throat bit to your boss when going infor job reviews.
- You wear Macho Man sunglasses during job interviews.
- For a Christmas present, you give your mom a pair of ring boots.
- You actually believe in your heart of hearts that the "Flair Flip" willwork everytime he tries it, & cry yourself to sleep when it doesn't.
- You think Lady Di is probably really dead, but that Mother Theresa mightbe doing a really convincing work.
- You think John the Baptist Bladed.
- You try to convince your friends that regular sports are works, & wrestlingis not.
- Whenever a limo goes by, you shout Woooooo hoping for a response from "TheMan".
- You are late for work every Tuesday, cause you have to watch the tapesfrom the previous night again "just 1 moretime".
- You climb chain-link fences and do Superfly Splashes off them-- in yoursleep...
- You find yourself singing Grab them cakes and Real American
- Your four year old gives the Superfly sign before she jumps on you
- Your first instinct was that Holyfield bled the hardway versus Tyson
- You keep waiting for run-ins during boxing matches
- While cleaning the garage you find old wooden chairs and first think ofAfa jobbing to Atlas and Johnson
- You buy your fat mother-in-law some yellow polka dot "Dusty Rhodes" shorts.
- A trip to the barber with your friends turns into a "hair vs. hair match".
- Your loved one hits the switch at night and you attack, thinking it's a"lights out Texas death match".
- You wear a robe and tights to your job at Wendy's.
- You throw a coke at Eric Bischoff/nWo and ......it hits the TV screen.
- You think a fashion statement is a black trench coat
- You come up with move named "the atomic elbow drop" which is executed offthe 3 meter spring board at a swimming pool
- Your wife asks to try out a move on YOU after just seeing itdone on TV.
- Your wife makes you sit on the end of the bed/swimming pool to practiceher flying cross body move since you don't have a real ring.
- You are talking to a car sales person and they mention leather interiorand all you can think of is Hogan without any skin.
- You see the clown at McDonalds and can only think of Doink and Dink.
- Your wife calls you the "Living Legend", but even better when she callsyou Jake "the Snake" and your name ain't Jake!
- You watch Star Search standup comedy acts, and say the firstguy had a goodworkrate, but the second guys was as good with high spots galore. Then yousay this battle was a 4 star match, but Ed McMahon's a terrible announcerand the crowd had minimal heat.
- Before you leave your friends yard, you take his head and slam his chainlink fence on it.
- You feel obliged to leave a restaraunt with two toothpicks (one in mouth,one behind the ear) and do your best Scott Hall impersonation.
- You win a fight and afterwards you start posing
- When eating someplace were you don't like the food you say "I snack ondanger I dine on death"
- You think Godzilla will be played by Yokozuna
- You think earthquakes are caused by John Tenta
- You call the doctors office asking for ether Dr. Death SteveWilliams orDr. Tom Pritchard and for a dentist you ask for Issac Yankem DDS.
- You think Elvis being dead is a angle
- You call yourself "Immortal"
- You have a fight but charge people to watch it.
- You start hi-fiving people you don't know
- After winning a fight you say "(insert name) 3:16 just whipped your ass"
- At a sporting event that foreign countries are competing you yell USA!USA!
- At a boxing fight you tell everyone to stop marking out cause it's justan angle.
- Whenever you see an african-american you give the nation "fist in the air"sign.
- When a female says she's going to put on her face and you expect Stingpaint or a mask to be worn when they get back.
- Your significant other buys you a plastic WCW World Champ belt and youactually wrestle to be able to declare who the "Champ" of the house is!
- You buy colored hair spray and pick out theme music for the above saidmatch!
- You play "name that wrestler" like you play "name that tune" in as fewnotes from their theme music as possible.
- You start noticing that the "sons" of guys you used to watch in the 70'sare now some of the stars. (dory & terry funk)
- You vividly remember the first time you ever met a wrestler outside ofthe venu in public.
- You remember when both you and Arn Anderson had hair!
- You call your buddy on the phone before/durning/after any tv wrestlingshow and discuss it for at least 30 minutes in complete detail includinghow all of the events will tie together at some ppv that has not even beenbooked.
- You make vacation plans as to not to miss any wrestling if a tv with properchannels is not accessable
- Your three year old says "Daddy, let's play WCW"
- You spit out your gum and slap it
- You punch your friends, but stomp the ground to make it sound louder.
- You call yourself a "Jet flyin', limousine riding, son of a gun."
- You do heel turns on your best friends for no reason
- You walk down the hallway of school like the Bushwackers.
- Before turning off a light/TV/computer you give the sign for a Flatliner.
- You carry around a portable tape player for entrance music.
- You finish every sentence with 'Whooo!'
- You sit at home all day refusing to do a job.
- Every time you write an exam, you tell the professor that you're the highestranking official, and if you don't get an A, he's suspended.
- Whenever you pass through customs, you tell the Controller you are from"Parts Unknown".
- You go from town to town, making new groups of friends every few months,just so you can shock them by turning "NWO".
- Whenever someone accidentally knocks you down in a public place, you shout"Come On Ref! He pulled My Hair!"
- At Sunday dinner, you only get to eat if you "Tag In".
- When you don't have an assignment completed, no attack your teacher/bossto get yourself intentionally disqualified.
- You offer a briefcase full of money to someone to turn on his best friend.
- You offer $10,000 to anyone who can bodyslam you.
- You don't understand why there are wars when a steel-cage grudge matchcould settle things.
- Your bathrobe has your name on the back, in sequins.
- You carry a 2x4 and American flag everywhere, call everyone "tough guy"and puncuate every sentence with "HOOOOOOOO!"
- Instead of reading a bedtime story to your kids, you put them in a sleeper.
- When you do well on an exam, you stand up and yell, "Too Sweeeeettt!"
- After an exam, when the professor tells you to hand in your papers, youinform him "The only thing I'm going to hand into you is a can of whoop ass,son!"
- You refer to studying as academic "hangin' and bangin'" and you tell peoplehow you "hung and bung" all weekend
- When your professor messes up during a lecture, you call him a "ham 'n'egger who only got a push because of politicalreasons"
- You demand the lights be turned off before you enter a room, then suddenlyclicked on once you reach the middle.
- When you answer a question correctly in class you say "BANG!"
- You strut to the board and say "Whoo!" before working out the problem
- You write "nWo" on all your boss's overheads while he's not looking
- You have theme music while entering for your thesis presentation
- Your entrance music plays every time you enter the office.
- You see a fight in the street and call the moves.
- You nick your finger preparing your lunch, then think you have just bladed.
- Whenever you punch anyone you use your arm and stamp on the groundsimulataneously.
- Whenever you see a ladder you climb it to retrieve the belt.
- Any Japanese or Mexican colleagues are praised for their workrate.
- You paint your face and don't speak to your co-workers, then come to workwith a bird.
- Or... you sit around work all day with this "Gen-X" attitude...and whensomeone talks to you, you start spouting off bad poetry!
- When your at the gym you play your belt like a guitar i.e Hogan
- When you're in trouble your friends come out and beat the Hell out of theother guy
- You tell your friends that they are so sweeeeeeeeeeet
- When you continuously say one or all of the following: whoooo, tooo sweeeet,that's the bottom line, extreme, oooooh yeah, and many different uses ofthe word weasel.
- Can you remember the last time you didn't watch wrestling on Monday night?
- You make your own championship belt out of cardboard and glitter and wearit everywhere you go.
- You do a "Jerry Lawler entrance" i.e. turn the lightsoff, and when theycome back on your in the room............at a dance.
- Every time you step outside your house the first thing you dois make yourfavorite wrestlers hand gesture.
- You have to smash a Pepsi can on your head before you can play WCW vs.the World.
- When you put your kids to bed, you tell them to "Rest In Peace"
- At the climactic moment of passion with your partner, youscream,"WHOOOOOOO!"
- When the boss yells at you, you get three of your buddies and punk himin the parking lot.
- Someone at a party tells a funny joke and you accuse him of trying to getover.
- Anytime anybody asks you a question, you "grab the mike" and yell, "MEEEAAAANGEEEEENEE"
- You enter every room through the rafters with your son's voice introducingyou.
- You can't walk into a room without Jimmy Hart singing your theme music.
- You can't enter a room without a large pyrotechnic display.
- Out of nowhere, you kick your boss and give him the Stone Cold Stunner.
- You talk in a third person like, "cause [SC] (name) said so"
- You throw paper and water bottles at your enemies, because theyare actinglike a heel.
- While playing a sport, your friend gets injured and you say it's a work.
- You see a guy a dancing and posing, and start to chant "He is Gay"
- You create different personas and believe they are different people.
- You see a Canadian=and/or foriegner, you start to chant "USA!" "USA!"
- You show up at work in your everyday clothes and say "Idon't need any stupidgimmicks to work!"
- You and your co-workers decide to go to rival or competitor and say "We'retaking over!"
- You're getting beat up in a bar fight, but you honestly believe that witha little crowd support, you can turn this thing around.
- You walk into church and slap people's hands in the pews while walkingdown the aisle.
- Your method for testing whether fruit is ripe consists of smashing it acrosssomeone's forehead.
- You giggle when someone says they've got a 'job' to do.
- You've learned all your dance steps from Shawn Michaels and Alex Wright.
- You get deja vu playing "Mortal Kombat." ("Fatality. Glacier wins.")
- You find yourself waiting for Jeff Foxworthy to slop drop an audience member.
- You watch the news and wonder if the 'extremely graphic images' were doneby blading, capsule or hardway.
- You deliever 1 Diamond Cutter, 2 Stone Cold Stunners, and 1 DDT onto abinder all before Social Class starts
- When called up to the board at class, you call the teacher a fat ass, kickher in gut, and apply the "Stone Cold Stunner"! then Show her she's numberTwo (ie. with bothfingers) and walk back to your desk with your arms in theair.
- When called up to the board you stand up at the board, put your left armstraight out and cup your ear with your right hand and listen for the reaction.Then, rip your shirt off...
- Every time you walk into a meeting, you clap your hands over your headsinging, American Males
- You refuse to go to work unless they let you wear a dog collar and playQueen's "Another One Bites the Dust" in the background
- Whenever you see a guy with two girls, you run up to him and ask, "Whatdo you have to say, Dreamer?"
- On a job application, you state your residence as "parts unknown"
- You challenge someone to a fight while wearing a mask, hoping they won'tknow it's really you
- You power bomb your mom through the dinner table.
- After an argument with a friend, you shake hands, hug each other and thenafter you raise both yours and your friend's arms in the air, as he looksto the side, you clothesline him.
- When you put up your wife or girlfriend up in a card game for 30 days ifyou lose.
- If you are a hair stylist and you put the person in a sleeper before youcut their hair
- When you have two...TWO t.v's set up right next to each other so you cancatch both Raw and Nitro.
- You start your own "rival" company at work, call yourself the "Outsiders",recruit the President and declare in a board meeting "You want a WAR? Yougawt one chico!"
- You carry around a tape recorder and before you say something you pressplay and it says:
This message has been paid for by the new world order or web world order
- You start piledriving your pen with your fingers
- You meet a wrestler once and then call him your friend.
- You are involved in a bar fight with a guy twice your size and you thinkyour best line of attack is putting the Tongan deathgrip on him.
- You look for Sting on the back of the milk carton during breakfast.
- You search & search the bible for the book of Austin.
- You hit your ex boyfriend/husband with a high heel
- You start discussing who the jobbers are in other sports
- You found yourself marking out because the Braves had to job to the Metson the last two games of the season...
- After you ask for a Big Mac at McDonald's, you yell "AND THAT'S AN ORDER!"
- You call your group of friends a stable
- You go to a dance and start dancing like Alex Wright.
- In Chemistry, your friend drops a chemical on himself and you yell "He'sHardcore!"
- You try to figure out everyone's gimmick at Halloween.
- When there's a fight and you "mark out."
- You make a speech at work and you end it with "Quote the Raven...Nevermore".
- You get fired from work then show up the next day wearing a mask.
- You get fired from work and go over to the competition, walking in thefront and saying "YO! You know who I am, but don't know why I'm here!"
- You Stone Cold Stunner the manager before leaving
- When, in school, a teacher tells you to be quiet or do your work and yousay, say what ya want, cause i really don't give a damn and stone cold stunnerhim/her and yell in front of the class, cause stone cold said so and that'sthe bottom line!
- When your friend falls down, you drop an elbow on him.
- You are refereeing a sporting event and just as someone is cheating youturn your head
- You drop your buddy head first to piledrive the cement.
- You and some of your friends invade the local church beat up the pastoruntil a few months later he takes your side.
- You go to a bingo hall and chant ecw ecw ecw or bingo just for the hellof it
- You say ass every time you get a interview.
- You add spikes to your football shoulder pads.
- You paint yourself like a crow and don't talk to anyone for a year.
- You know more about wrestlers than your own family.
- You wonder when max mini takes a bath if uses a life jacket.
- You give enemies the figure 4 leglock around a goal post.
- Your teacher asks you about the new world order and the four horsemen andinstead of answering historical facts you put up 4 fingers and then chopyour pelvis.
- You paint your face, talk about powers of the universe, run around theblock shaking fences before you have fight.
- When ever you see free willy you yell Paul Bearer.
- You think the Godwinns were in deliverance.
- You shave your head, grow a goatee, and give your boss the stunner becauseyou injure yourself on the job.
- Your boss says he has a job for you to do and you lie down waiting forhim/her to cover you for three seconds.
- During an episode of ER you chant we want blood, we want blood.
- You think about bodyslammng Santa Clause.
- You yell whooo before you talk to anyone.
- You call your best friend your cousin.
- You go to taco bell and order a los boricuas chili platter..
- You consider fighting in the school yard a steel cage match.
- You can only count to three.
- You think the movie Buddy is a biographical film on George Steele.
- You name you son Hulk and your daughter Madusa (or is the otherway around)
- You beat up Metermaids because they look like the big bossman
- You go to IHOP to see if Dusty Rhodes is in the pancake eatinghall of fame.
- You start whooooing for no reason at all.
- You communicate more with people on the net more than your own family.
- When you are sick you look up Dr. Harvey Wippleman.
- You remember when Paul Bearer only had a couple of chins.
- When you see a fat out of shape dumb guy with a beard and a 2x4 and youyell hooo.
- In the middle of the fight, you start to look to the crowd and start gruntingand yelling to generate some heat!
- You're watching a bar fight and someone gets cracked over the head witha chair, and you start chanting "ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW!
- You don't help your friend in a Bar fight Because you're a "FREE AGENT"
- You wear your big styrofoam Macho Man cowboy hat in public.
- You go to your little sisters softball game and start a "we want blood"chant.
- You get into a argument with a friend at work and challenge him to a losermust retire match.
- You're in a football game and before kicking off you strut across the fieldhoping the crowd will respond with "whooooooooo!"
- You fly down to your office in a helicopter, jump off wearing jeans andthe American flag, and bodyslam the fattest guy in the office...
- You watch kids playing at recess and if two get into a fight, you yell,"He's hardcore!"
- You can actually remember Sting's last public words
- You turn off the lights to go to bed, then immediately hide in the closetfor 5 minutes to make sure Kane doesn't get you.
- You give your boss the Stone Cold Stunner and expect not to get fired.
- When wearing your NWO t-shirt, you look up at the ceiling before enteringa room, to make sure Sting isn't waiting for you.
- You drove to Cleveland to find Cactus Jack in 1993.
- You figure you don't need to waste your time entering the contest to winAustin's truck since you went out and bought one just like it last week.
- You refer to yourself as "the show stopper"
- When a co-worker wins an award you thought you should have, you eithersteal theirs or you go out and have your own made
- You drive around to various softball fields looking for Sid.
- You want to break into the business by landing a part in the next WCWmini-movie.
- You call WCW asking for information on taking classes from Professor MikeTenay.
- You have no rhythm and don't know how to dance, so when you go to partiesyou get drunk and try to dance like Alex Wright or the Disco Inferno
- You carry an American flag with you everywhere you go
- You wear a mask to work
- You tell everyone who disagrees with you to "suck it".
- You demand that they play your entrance music when you come into a room.
- When entering a room, you immediately climb up on the chair and do the Randy Savage poses like he does on the turnbuckles.
- Every sentence starts with "You know, Mean Gene"
- You call everyone brother and you are not Christian.
- When you stretch your arms up in the air, you have to do the Ultimate Warrior Military Press with your arms and later get out a grunt.
- You ask every guitar player you know if he would hit someone over the head with it.
- You have privately won the IC title in your dreams and you believe you are a champion when you are not even a wrestler.
- You find websites like this one and hang around them for weeks.
- You must know what happened on Smackdown before it airs.
- You imagine yourself being interviewed for Confidential.
- You act like you don't even know that the Genius is your brother.
- When you meet someone named Elizabeth, you immediately tell her to go down that aisle.
