13 Rules for 2006

Sometimes we just need to remember what the 13 Rules of Life really are:

1. Never give yourself a haircut after three beers.

2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.

3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are, "I apologize" and "You are right."

4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

5. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

6. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her -- believe them.

7. Learn to pick your battles. Ask yourself, "Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?"

8. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.

9. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

10. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.

11. Work is good, but it's not that important. Money is nice, but you can't take it, or anything else, with you. Statistics show most people don't live to spend all they saved; Some die even before they retire. Anything we have isn't really ours; we just borrow it while we're here, even our kids.

12. Be really good to your family and/or friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.

13. If you are going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you may as well laugh about it now.