Professional Wrestling’s Most Absurd Storylines

[Travicity]

Professional Wrestling’s Most Absurd Storylines
Wrestling storylines aren’t typically known for being realistic, but these angles crossed the fine line between “That’s odd” and “OMGWTF!!!!111”.

It’s been a long, long time since professional wrestling resembled an actual sporting competition. Honestly though, who needs anticlimactic first round tap-outs when you can watch a dude get clobbered with a chair for making time with another guy’s girlfriend? But, occasionally wrestling pushes it too far. Don’t believe us? Then check our list of the eleven strangest, most bizarre, and unfathomable wrestling angles in history.


WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette

Listen, we can all agree that we liked David Arquette just fine in Scream. Some of us might even hold a very kitschy spot in our heart for his performance in the wrestling-focused Ready to Rumble. But unfortunately, nothing about this guy screams “Professional Wrestling World Title Holder.”

In the heady days of the year 2000, WCW produced Ready to Rumble, starring Arquette, and as part of the marketing push, brought the actor into the promotion. While it’s questionable whenever a non-wrestler goes over on even a mid-card talent, WCW went significantly further by putting its most coveted prize, the World Heavyweight Title, around the untrained, utterly unconvincing Arquette.

Tagging in God

Like many wrestlers, Shawn Michaels holds devout Christian beliefs that he’s not afraid to share with his fans. The Heartbreak Kid has even joined televangelist Pat Robertson on The 700 Club. But while most wrestlers keep their religion somewhat separate from their work, The Showstopper went ahead and brought The Creator into the ring with him.

At WrestleMania 22, Michaels defeated Mr. McMahon in a No Holds Barred Match despite the interference of both McMahon’s son, Shane and the Spirit Squad. Dismissing the victory as “an act of God,” the Chairman of WWE placed himself and his son in a match at Backlash 2006 against the tag team of Michaels and his heavenly father.

RoboCop & Sting: BFF

RoboCop is really good at a lot of things: Firing high-tech pistols, battling the dad from That 70s Show and offering complex social commentary in the guise of an action film. But shockingly, professional wrestling (like sequel appearances) just isn’t one of the cyborg policeman’s strong suits.

Though he was unable to wrestle at the time because of a knee injury, Sting appeared at the appropriately named Capital Combat ’90: Return of RoboCop, alongside you-know-who. Unfortunately, RoboCop’s presence wasn’t enough to keep his buff, blonde buddy from being locked in a conspicuously placed steel cage by the Four Horsemen. After finally lumbering down the entrance ramp, the cyborg peacekeeper ripped the cage’s door off and freed Sting before slowly escorting The Icon back to catering.

Unfortunate Son

For weeks in 2007, WWE television teased the mystery of Mr. McMahon’s illegitimate son, even revealing that he was a member of the WWE roster. While many fans hoped that the similarly brash and arrogant Mr. Kennedy would be outed as McMahon’s son, no one was expecting the long-lost relative to be a mythological creature.

Yes, WWE fans were told that Mr. McMahon gave birth to the leprechaun known as Hornswoggle. For months, McMahon tortured his newfound scion, before finding out that 'Swoggle’s actual father was Finlay, which on account of him being Irish does make at least slightly more sense. Slightly.

Family Values

With monsters, laser beams and more, Japan’s HUSTLE wrestling promotion might have been one of the strangest ever. So hang on to your headgear, folks, things are about to get weird.

Yinling the Erotic Terrorist was one of the company’s heels and a foxy former swimsuit model. Eventually, nature took its course when The Great Muta spewed his legendary Green Mist at Yinling’s crotch. Luckily, the Erotic Terrorist was able to maintain her figure even after laying a humongous egg, which then hatched to reveal the 500 lb sumo wrestler, Monster Bono. The story has a bittersweet ending, because though Yinling allowed her son to defeat her in her retirement match, her character was subsequently crushed to death by his massive bulk.

Resurrection of Mr. McMahon

It should come as no surprise that Mr. McMahon shows up on this list quite a bit. After all, who could forget the old saying “Power corrupts, but absolute power makes you apeshit bananas.” That old chestnut was never more apt than on the June 11, 2007 edition of Raw, which ended with Mr. McMahon being blown up and killed.

Putting aside the absurdity of a publicly owned company’s Chairman faking his own death on international television, things got even crazier due to some awful timing. The horrific Benoit incident occurred shortly after this angle started, causing WWE to pull the plug on the entire thing. The storyline explanation? McMahon faked his death to find out what people thought of him.

Dead in Bed

Kane was always meant to be a nutjob – he lit Good Ole’ JR on fire, after all. But during a feud with Triple H, WWE took it to a whole other level, when The Game revealed that Kane used to be involved with a woman named Katie Vick. Their relationship was an unorthodox one, however, as Kane raped Vick’s dead body after she was killed in a car crash.

As if that wasn’t icky enough, Triple H claimed to have an actual video of the act in question. The footage turned out to just be The King of Kings in a Kane mask simulating sex with a mannequin, but that's just kind of just gross in a very different way. Luckily, The Hurricane was able to class up the proceedings by showing a video of a guy in a Triple H mask getting an enema.

The Tyranny of Age

It’s no secret that older guys tend to be threatened by their younger counterparts. Freud would say it has something to do with tribal politics or Oedipus or cigars or something, but whatever the reason, older wrestlers tend to like letting younger ones know who's the boss.

While there’s nothing wrong with putting a guy over as an experienced veteran, let’s be entirely honest: No way is grandpa getting one over on a bulked up monstrosity in the prime of his life. It doesn't matter how leathery your skin is, how deep your forehead blading scars are, or which old legendary hardass wrestler trained you, no one buys you beating up extraordinarily fit men half your age.

Mae Young gives birth

Any of Mae Young’s WWE appearances would be strong contenders for this list, as the perpetually oversexed septuagenarian would be stripped down to her underwear or powerbombed through a table for the entertainment of millions worldwide. But it was her torrid affair with Mark Henry that led to her absolute most absurd moment.

While using the “Sexual Chocolate” character, Henry would romance numerous women within WWE, but eventually focused his amorous efforts on Young. Their relationship resulted in Young’s impregnation, which is gross enough just to think about. Things got oh-so-much worse though, when the proto-Diva gave birth to a bloody rubber hand.

Inspired by a True Story

Though not as well-remembered as many of his contemporaries, Bruiser Brody was one of the most popular independent wrestlers of the 70s and 80s, with incredible ring work and an instantly recognizable look. His phenomenal talents made his 1988 stabbing murder in a Puerto Rican shower all the more tragic.

The alleged culprit was Jose Huertas Gonzalez, who was acquitted of the crime in an extremely controversial trial. Gonzalez, as Invader #1, continued to work as one of Puerto Rico’s most popular wrestlers, but on two separate occasions was involved in storylines that referenced the Brody stabbing. In the most flagrant offense, Invader was stabbed by Savio Vega, and even appeared in gruesome photos resembling the Brody crime scene.

The Undertaker

Make no mistake: The Undertaker is a tremendous talent. His longevity as a performer, his constantly evolving ring work, his masterful understanding of wrestling psychology and his instantly recognizable gimmick all ensure that he is a future Hall of Famer. However, that gimmick is absolutely ridiculous.

When The Deadman debuted, professional wrestling was a very different place, and The Undertaker fit in perfectly. However, as the rest of the landscape changed, toning down the more outrageous gimmick, The Undertaker retained every wacky bit of his, including his control over lightning, his ability to appear out of nowhere and even the loyal druids that attend him. And on top of that, try explaining to someone who doesn’t know anything about wrestling why the huge, creepy undead dude with magical powers is a good guy.

UGO

[Smartmark]

Thanx for posting Travis!

Shaen Michaels & GOD Vs The McMahons was a EPIC feud!

[Kenpachi Zaraki]

Thanx for posting Travis!

Shaen Michaels & GOD Vs The McMahons was a EPIC feud!

yeah Indy level stupidity

[Dragón De Muerte]

What about the eagle V hornswoggle :shfty: