Writing a Novel - Smartmark's Diary

[Smartmark]

As some of you might know, I'm writing on a novel. I've worked on this project since I was 17 years old, but time after time I have added, deleted and re-written the story. 9 years later, presents day, the story have started, and I have written the two first chapters. In this thread I will try to keep you updated on my writing, and for those interested, I will explain about the world I write about.
But first of all, I want to share with you the prologue of the book. And I would love feedback

The King's Heritage - Book One In The Dur Series

Prologue

Crow sat down in the meadow and placed his fishing rod down in the marsh, using a wooden stick to keep it steady. He fetched a bag of tobacco from a wollen sack and rolled himself a joint. He lit it with a matchstick and leaned back towards a big cypress tree.
The sun was shining, and the water from the pond shimmered as crystal.
It was quieter in these parts of the woods. People in Dur had always been superstitious.
Crow didn’t care much for wraiths and ghosts. He had never seen one, and therefor did he not believe in them. He loved this parts of the woods. Kelpie Forest was the biggest mangrove in this part of the world.
Crow suddenly got aware of something in the bushes behind him. He jumped up on his feet, fetching a big hunting knife from his belt. A swamprabbit was standing approxomately four feet in front of him, snarling its sharp, yellow teeth and its eyes were bloodshut. Crow hated them! They where the vermin of the forest. The rabbit attacked with fangs first, but Crow made a counter attack and hurled his knife in the side of the bunny. It shrieked in pain as Crow stamped on it’s head.
He wiped the blood of the knife in the wet marshgrass before putting it back in the hilt. He once more sat down towards the big cypress when he got aware of the fishing rod.
He picked it up and started to reel in the line. After struggling for a couple of minutes he saw the scales of a big green fish right below the surface. It was a big pike. Maybe it would beat his record at Fifteen kilos? The fish fought good, and now it was partly over the surface, bashing it’s tale at the surface, making big splashes. He took a couple of steps backwards as he continued to reel in. The pike continued to struggle, but he managed to get it on land. He killed it with his knife, and sliced the head off. Suddenly he got aware of something in the water.
Something shimmered below the dark surface. He kneeled down at the shore and dipped his hand down in the cold water. He got grip of something and pulled it up.
At the moment he realized what he had just pulled up off the water, he fell back into the undergrowth. Half up on land lay a young girl dressed in a purple gown with the Durian crest. Crow knew very good who it was. Princess Gyda!


Copyright (C) Emil A.

[Travicity]

Ok pretty interesting stuff and alot of controversy in the first few lines

[Smartmark]

^^ Thanx for the feedback. I've written some pages the last couple of days, so I feel I'm in a good flow at the moment. Almost 30 pages now.

[Travicity]

How many pages will it have?

[Smartmark]

The idea is to have around 300 pages

[Travicity]

In each book or will they change from book to book?

[Smartmark]

Some might be shorter, some might be longer. I have many histories I can write books about in notes.

[W-OLF]

Can't wait to see how far you take this . If you really get into it (only a suggestion)
Create and publish a book ...http://www.lulu.com/
In no way advertising.

But It is intresting , I look forward to seeing or reading more thanks for sharing.

[Smartmark]

^^ I will check it out

Thanx for the feedback so far. Thought I would post chapter 1 as well

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Chapter One

Gard was brutally waken up from his sleep when the cockatrice shrieked out.
He hated that little beast. His father said it would be a great alarm. Great was not the word.
He fetched his boot from the floor and hauled it towards the window. With great impact the boot hit the cockatrice and it was knocked off the henche in the window and it fell outside.
Gard looked out of the window. It was eerie outside. The grey air and mist surrounded the forest up on the hill. He pulled himself up from the bed and rubbed his eyes.
Suddenly he heard the tapping of water on the roof. It was raining.
One of these days again Gard said to himself wile putting on a pair of brown wollen pants and some tick wollen socks. He fetched a green hoodie from the chair by the bed and put it on.
His leather boots needed to be replaced soon. Maybe he should take a trip down to the shoemaker. He put his boots on and grabbed the box with chewing tobacco on the counter.
As he walked down the stairs to the kitchen he could smell his father was cooking pourige.
He put a big chunk of tobacco in his mouth and chewed as he fetched a cup on the kitchen counter and poured himsels some coffee from the stove.
His father was sitting by the table, smoking a ivory pipe.
He was proud of that pipe. He always told Gard the same story about the time he bought the pipe from an foreign merchant in Al-Shabir.
Gard had never been to Al-Shabir. His father would not alloud him to walk behind the big forest. Gard hated it. He wanted to see the big marked in Al-Shabir. All the animals and jesters at the circus. The big Bazaar and offcourse the palace. The palace was once build as a present from a great king to his daughter, and their heir reigned there for centuries. Now the palace was abandoned and the people talked about ghosts and ghouls.
Gard sat down at the table and his father looked up.
“ I have to say you are up early today. Any special reason ?”
“ I couldn’t sleep” Gard said.
“ That damn cockatrice awaken me! ”
His father laughed.
“ Don’t judge him so hard Gard. He is only doing his job”
“ I still hate him”
Gard drank some coffee and got up, puring himself some porridge from the stove.
His father cleared his throat.
“ Gard. I have something I have to tell you. Something of great importance”
“ Is there anything wrong dad ? ”
“ Wrong is a kind word. This could be catastrophic ”
Gard sat back down at the table.
“ You make it sound like it is the end of the world dad ”
“ Don’t joke about stuff like that Gard. I had hoped I never had to say this. But the time has come and I made a pact about telling you if the time would come and you where old enough to understand it” He sighed...
“ I am not your father Gard “
Gard spelled porridge. Did he hear what his dad just said ?
“ I know it might come as a shock for you, but that is the truth. And if you let me tell the story to you, you might understand “
“ Understand what ? “ Gard said
“ That I have lived for almost eighteen winters thinking you were my dad ? If your not my dad, who are you then? “


They talked for hours as the rain poured down outside the house. It was cold in this part of the summer. Cold winds from the north and rain made it even more depressing.
Gard was told much about the past in those hours. How he was actually the son of a great king called Bluebeard. During the first Sol Wars he had reigned supreme all over the land of Dur and all their neighbour kingdoms. All except one. The kingdom of Took was a grotesque marshland, with even more grotesque creatures. Ruled by a Khan who called himself Galder Greyleg. He and his creatures forced the Durian army back to their lands. The Tookian army was not of humans, but horrid creatures of the dark. The rutuls where the worst. Nasty creatures. Half goat, half man. They where at least two meters high and had big horns.
They carried weapons from another world. Two large chains of iron rings connected with a big iron ring in the middle. You can either hold the ring in your hand or put it over your head, making yourself able to use yet another weapon in your hands. In the end of each chain is a big razor attached. The man who Gard now knew as Hermod told him that he was the last remaining of a clan who used to be called The Silver Knights. A group of Palladins who fought for the king. After the king was killed during the Sol Wars, they had hid away the kings two babes.
A boy named Gard and a girl named Gyda.
He was also told that Gyda had lived all her life in the old palace in Al-Shabir.
She was the coming Queen of Dur, until she was found murdered in a pond, almost on the other side of the kingdom. He was also told about The Inquisitors, a pack of rabid knights who had only one task, to kill Bluebeards heir. With Gyda dead, Gard was next.

Hermod took Gard with him outside and into the barn. A black steed, all saddled up and ready where eating hay in the corner. Hermod gave Gard a sealed papyrus scroll and told him that he would knew when to open it. He had packed enough food for a long journey. Spices and herbs. Fruit and vegetables. Bread, dried fish and meat.
“ Ride all the way trough The Everautumn Forest. You will reach a crossroad where you will find an old tavern. There you can go either east or west.
If you go east, you will come to The Emerald forest. Once believed to be a magic forest inhabited by elves. Now merely a large pineforest wo reaches all the way to the Tookian border. If you go west, if you manage to get across the Salt Flats of Yoka-Tu, you will come to the ocean. Behind the great blue ocean lies the Islands of Kalazaar. Told about in Legends and Myths. The people who lives there are said to be a rich and welthy. With cities build of solid gold, and wine running in streams like water “
“ So, where do I go then ? “ Gard wondered
“ You will not go either way. Cause you are going north ! “
Gard froze for a second.
“ North ? You mean north as in towards the mountains of Garoth ?
“ Exactly ! Those same mountains “
“ That’s madness ! I have never been across the forest, and you want me to cross the Waste Mountains. You’ve said to me that no sane man enters those mountains because they inhabit creatures of chaos. Orcs, Goblins, Trolls and Rancors! “
“ That’s true “ Said Hermod.
“ But behind those mountains lives a person who might be important to you “
“ Who ? “ would Gard like to know.
“ Your Mother !“



Copyright Emil A.

[DA]

I like where this is going SM, I really do, I'll give you a couple of tips though.

First off the prologue should rather give an inside look at all the story, like work on who the hell Gard is, the current status of the land like 'A land once magical is now anything but that as...' you know... incite...

The second is leave less spacing between sentences... use paragraphs and then leave space...

And lastly the speech... identify who is talking more and describe a bit more like...

“ I couldn’t sleep” Gard said. “ That damn cockatrice awaken me! ” He screamt as his father laughed.“ Don’t judge him so hard Gard. He is only doing his job” He replied still laughing a bit. “ I still hate him” Gard drank some coffee and got up, puring himself some porridge from the stove. His father cleared his throat... clearly something was on his mind “ Gard. I have something I have to tell you. Something of great importance...” “ Wrong is a kind word. This could be catastrophic ” Gard joked as he sat back down at the table. “ You make it sound like it is the end of the world dad ” “ Don’t joke about stuff like that Gard. I had hoped I never had to say this. But the time has come and I made a pact about telling you if the time would come and you where old enough to understand it...” He sighed as Gard got worried... he hesitated and threw it out there... “ I am not your father Gard “

Something like that...

Keep it up, I'd seriously buy this

[Smartmark]

^^ Thanx for the feedback I will keep it in mind. And I'm honored of the fact that you would by it

I've written about 40 pages now. Been a bit slow this week.

[Smartmark]

Chapter 2

He turned around in the saddle for the last time, wathing the farm disappear behind the slope.
So much had happen in short time. He couldn’t believe he was really a prince, and the next to be king in Dur. He put his hand inside his coat, just to make sure the papers he got from Hermod was there. He sighed. He was approacing the big Everautumn Forest. As a kid he was told that the forest was inhabited by nymphs and dryads. Pucks and brownies. He really never believed in that. Those where children tales. He fetched the box of chewing tobaccos, and put a big chunk under his upper lip. It was suddenly darker as he rode into the forest. Hermod had said that the inn at the crossroad where five days rode from the farm. He ckapped the beast on the neck, talking gently to him, telling that together they would make it. The beast whined in responce and Gard chuckled. There was nothing to see on either side of the road but deep pine forest. He rode for an hour or so into the forest, seeing no sign of animal life at all.
He camped at a hollow and made a small fire with brances from some dead pinetrees.
The horse was standing under a tree, eating grass as he sat down, eating some dried meat, drinking a zip of Duran Red. His father made the best red wine. He counted his things, getting notice of what he was carrying. One leather pouch with 5 silver coins and 50 copper coins. This was something that Hermod had spared for him up in the years. One wollen bag containing a couple of brown wollen pants and a green hoodie. One blanket to sleep on. One dagger. One map over Dur. A small bag of food, containing one bread, some dried meat, already eaten off, a chunk of cheese and a Blue apple. One box of chewing tobaccos and offcourse the bottle with Durian Red, already been halfed. He spit a golp of chewing tobacco in the grass. Somehow his mind fell into deep dreams. He saw imself as a king, riding a white steed draped in red and black. Him on top with a silver armor, carrying a big lance, ax on his back. He rode before a big army on a big meadow, facing an army of grimly goatlike creatures, filled to their teeth with gruesome wapons of destruction and dispare. His army of golden warriors rode behind him, carrying morningstars, lances, swords, axes and spears. Hundred thousand of his best men. The best hundred thousand men there was. Suddenly his dream was distracted, as he heard a noise in the bushes. He fetched the dagger from the belt and stood steady, holding his breath.
- I come in peace ! a voice came from the bushes.
- Who says?
- I do !
A small brown creature came out from the bushes. He was dressed in a green suit, wearing a hat in the same color. He came towards Gard, sretching out his hand.
- My name is X!londroy.
- Gard
They shook hands and Gard offered the creature some beef, but he wasn’t hungry.
- So you are riding these woods alone kid? The creature stretched his tiny claws out towards the fire.
- Yes. And you?
- I am being hunted, as usual.
- Hunted? By Whom?
- It’s a long story lad, I don’t wanna bother you with my gibberish.
- No, I want to hear it. Sit down with me, I got some Durian Red with me, and have you ever tasted golden corn?
- Golden corn? The creature reasked.
- It’s chewing tobacco, you put it in your mouth a chew it, it calms you down.
- Nah, I don’t think so, but I don’t say no, getting a zip of that Durian Red.
He sat down by the fire beside Gard and grabbed the bottle as Gard gave it to him. He took a greedy gulp of the wine and sighed.
- That was good, thanx!
- You are welcome. But I have to ask you. What are you?
The creature started to laugh an hysterical laugh.
- You don’t know what I am, or who I am?
- You told me your name was Xlondroy.
- No! I told you my name is X!londroy !
- What is the diferrence?
- No help in telling you, cause you are a mere human. But if you want to know what I am, I am what you humans call a Brownie.
- So you are a gnome?
- Sort of, not exactly, but you are a human, so I will let it pass and say you are close enough.
Gard chuckled and took another zip of the wine before giving the bottle to the creature.
Half an hour later, the bottle was empty and they where both in a good mood.
- So, are you ready to hear my story?
The Brownie told Gard everything that have happened to him the last couple of months.
That he used to work for a great lord, but get kicked out of the keep because some of the lords servants took him with some of silverwares. He was now seeking a big treasure, a streasure so magnigicent and beautiful that it is said it burns the eyes out of those who dares to take a glimpse of it. The Tear!
- The Tear?
- Yup! A sapphire so pure that it can be used as a weapon!
Gard became interested. As the upcoming king of Dur, this could be of great importance in the future.
- Where is this Tear hidden? Gard asked
- It’s not hidden! It’s inside a Troll named Bjål!
- How can it be inside him?
- It’s his heart!


X!londroy also told that after trying to steel the king’s scepter, a party of the Durian army had been sent out to kill him. They had now been on the hunt for months without luck. The Brownie chuckled.
- So you tried to steal the King’s scepter?
- Yep!
- But I am the...
- Am what?
- Nothing!
He almost blew it. He had to be more careful. No one could know who he was. Not yet. And certainly not a thief who just told he had tried to steal the King’s scepter.
They talked for about an hour, then it became dark, and they settled down for the night.
X!londroy crept inside a hollow wodden stump and slept almost at once. The horse had settled down underneath the tree, sleeping with his head on one of the trees roots.
Gard lay down on the blanket and stared up in the sky. Between the branches the could see the stars, glowing like big torches in the sky.

He fell asleep. He saw himself sitting in a big throne of gold. Dressed in a golden armor with a red cape, holding a big scepter in his right hand, and the Tear in his left hand.
People where dancing and cheering in front of him in the big hall. Behind him on the wall was a big map, containing Dur and the kingdoms around. They where all covered in red, and the Durian chrest. He rose to his feet. A sound in the bushed had made him leap up from the dream.
Hands on his knife he looked around in the camp. The gnome where still asleep beside the fire, and the horse was also sleeping, leaning his head towards a big tree.
The sound of a twig breaking behind him made Gard swing on his boots. Something hit him in the face, and knocked him down on the ground.

**********

Copyright Emil A.

[Travicity]

Pretty interesting 2nd chapter.

[W-OLF]

Well done , its crazy how it flows and mentally im right there great job!

[Smartmark]

Bumped, for Kellie to find it, cause she promised to read it

[Smartmark]

Sorry for double posting, but the writing on the novel has really stagnated, so I started on some old ideas I've been thinking of.
This is basicly just ideas for stories, so I really want your feedback on this.
They all take place in the same magical kingdom that the novel I am writing does.


The Golden Tapestry (A Dur Myth)


This is the story of a magical tapestry, and a poor carpenter son, who at the age of 15 suddenly could do miracles. Sound familiar? No? Well, his name may not have been Jesus, but it was close enough, as his name was He-Zuus, and he was not jewish. He was quite the opposite as a matter of fact, cause he was a Satanist. Now you probably wonder, what the hell is a magical tapestry? And you probably want me to tell you right? Well I won’t. Not right away anyway.

You haven’t figured it out yet? I’ll give you a hint. Read the goddamn book!


It was a warm Sol, and the Tipi-Tipi mesa was shimmering of heat. The three suns, glowing like gargantuan fireballs in the sky. Vultures circulated above the remains of a Bluebull.
Yes, the bulls where blue in this this part of the kingdom, as a matter of fact, that was the only thing the Tipi-Tipi mesa was known for by the civilised people of Dumdar.
At a remote little farm lived He-Zuus, a poor carpenter son, who barely could nail a nail.
That’s a bitch when you’re supposed to be a carpenter isn’t it? Anyway, He-Zuus lived there all by himself. Well, he did have company by a acorn named Ned, but he wasn’t much of a talker. Being such a crappy carpenter, He-Zuus had to find other ways to make a living, and since it was quite a walk to the nearest store, he had to harvest his own food.
He’d tried everything. Potatoes, cabbage, turnips, carrots. Nothing would ever grow in the dead soil. It never rained on the Tipi-Tipi mesa. His grandfather once told him that it had something to do with sorcery, but He-Zuus wasn’t really listening.
This years harvest had been as bad as all the other years. Not even weed would grow in the vegetable field behind the house and his food supplies where running short.
He-Zuus didn't care much for the city. Maybe because it was like 10 days walkabout away, and he couldn't understand why they didn't build it closer to him. But one day he decided to go there. And a journey whose purpose where to bget groceries, turned out to be a adventure, sure to change the land of Dur forever!

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Laurth, The Stupefying (A Dur Myth)


Once a legend, now barely known by the people. He’s one of the most powerful wizards to ever walk on the face of the known world. He has survived both Sol wars, and has even lived trough a millenium. He is the only known wizard to ever summon a Vampire Dragon, and he masters all the 5 elements of wizardry. His life is close to an end, and he sets out for one final quest. To meet the love of his life Chiazelda, The Mistress Of The Sand.
Last time he met her, they fought for one year without stop. As the seasons passed, they summoned creatures and created spells unimaginable for a normal man.
The battle could be seen from all four corners of the world and people glanzed with fear and excitement, but for the two lovers, it was like they where the only people in the world.
Laurth lost the battle, and almost lost his life. He slept for hundred years, and when he woke he had only one thing in his mind. To meet her again, and that time, he would not only win the battle, but he would win her heart.

Laurth was once a handsome man, but that was many centuries ago. His long red hair, now almost gone. His azure blue eyes, now bloodshut and tired.
His handsome face, now bony and shrinked like a prune. A big hunch on his back makes it hard for him to move. His once big and muscular arms, now bony and thin.
He wears a big brown cloak to hide his assets. On his head he wears a golden headband with a big ruby and he always carries his staff, with a big skull on top of it.

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When Laurth Met Navinja (A Laurth The Stupefying Adventure)

There goes many stories about Laurth, the hunchback’s wizardry, but none of them is as mighty as the story from when Laurth met Navinja. It is said that when those two met, the sun went black all over the world, and as the two enchanters clashed in an epic battle of wizardry, the stars danced, making images of mighty creatures on whom the wizards summoned from their archery. The battle lasted for 12 days, and could be seen all over the world. Standing on the two highest mountain tops, they casted spells and sorcery upon the sky, forming dragons and wyrms, trolls and beasts, demons and angels.
Laurth struggled to keep focus on the battle, because of Navinja’s beauty.
She was dressed in a white cape who covered a bit of her body, but who let very little to the imagination. Her golden hair underneath the hoodie, and her azure blue eyes was to much of what a man could take. Nivinja got the advantage and summoned a Unicorn. The stars took form and a enormous unicorn took shape. Laurth got his mind back and used his last strength to summon a counterspell. But it was to late. The counterspell fizzled and a explosion of light blue covered the skies. Laurth got thrown backwards by the impact and hit his head at some rocks. What a great way to die thought Laurth. Being defeated not only by the only enchanter better than him, but by the most beautiful creature Maya ever had created. He became drowsy. With a struggle he managed to get back to his feet. Leaning to his staff he began to chant. The white unicorn charghed for a rampage on the sky. Laurth wriggled his body in trance, as he chanted an old Tookian chant. Black skies started to form upon the sky, and a sudden thunderstorm colored the skies with yellow lightning. From the black skies, a black horse appeared. It’s tail and hair, burning as flames, the black stallion huffed and battering it’s hoves. With his last strength, Laurth had summoned a Nightmare. The two steeds clashed together, and it was just like the time stood still for a moment, before it exploded in thousands of colors. The battle was over, and Laurth fell to his knees in the snow. Suddenly it went black, and he slept. For 100 years he slept, and when he woke up, it was spring. He struggled to get on his feet, and in his heart he urged just one thing. To meet Navinja and dance with her one more time. That is almost 100 years ago, and Laurth, the hunchback has not met her again. His time is running out, as he is almost 1000 years old. To this day, he strides the land, on a forever search of his nemesis, and his only love. Navinja, The Enchantress!


Copyright (C) Emil.A

[Smartmark]

Bump!

Feedback please!

[Black Widow]

i skimmed quickly and seen the word wizardry is it like a harry potter book

[Smartmark]

^^ Harry Potter is for kids. This book will be like a parody on Sword & Sorcery flicks. It happens in a world not unlike ours, only more medieval. One of the central stories centers around a 1000 year old Wizard named Laurt, The Stupefying, who is on a endless journey to find the love of his life, the only wizard ever to overcome him in a wizards battle.

Another story centers around a Troll/Human named Bjål, he is also what is called as a half-breed. He is a retired Barbarian, who gets drawn into a adventure of big proportions. He carries a Axe named Gyrax, who blade is like a jigsaw. He has a curse called Bloodlust, so whenever he gets a glimpse of blood, he goes Hogwild. He get in touch with another half-breed, a Leopardman called Sÿke, who is a knife throwing Champion.

All the stories gets tangled up in what will be a story where all characters meet eachother, and it will all end with the cliche battle against Good and Evil, or as I write in the book, against Axis and Allies, cause who is in his right to judge what is right and wrong?

[Black Widow]

Troll/Human this book sounds awesome