At first I was afraid, I was petrified.

By the ugly wanker that was lying by my side.

I would've drunk a little less, I would've tried to keep my head,

If I'd known for just one second I'd be in your crusty bed....



I tried to go, walk out the door.

But I laughed so hard at your small knob that I've fallen on the floor.

Your butt's a pimply mess, it's just a broken-out disgrace,

But I'd rather look at that, than at your fuckin ugly face...!



I want to go, I've got to leave.

Your talk of chicks and football really makes me want to heave.

I only know I've got to stop my drinking spirits and the beer coz when I looked at you last night, you looked just like that Richard Gere !

I can't believe, that we both shagged.

You should be wearing concrete shoes or simply bound and gagged.

I'm fucking off right now, I'm jumping on the flippin' train and I'm not stopping till I'm home and washed your scent down the drain.

Please let me go, I feel quite sick,

We had the worst sex in the world and you're an ugly prick.

I should have shagged your gorgeous mate, at least he's got a lovely flat

but no I go and trust the booze and now I'm stuck with you,you twat.

Its time to go, run out the door.

you look so ugly it should really be against the law.

I'm going to give up the booze,

I'm going to have no stupid fun

Because waking up beside your mug

Just makes me want to be a NUN !!!